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Happygirl2015ParticipantHi Nicole,
I can relate to your friend S. When I was in my early 20’s and new to my city, I made a best friend (K).. We’d been good friends for a few years when I met another girl (M)… M was super bubbly and I liked her right away but little did I realize that although she was older than me, she was kind of immature… I wasn’t sure I would end up staying friends with her but none the less brought her to meet K. The two became friends and I felt awkward and a little left out at times… So I experienced some jealous feelings with K. Today, 20 yrs later, we’re all good friends.
From my experience, the reaction that S had is more about S than you and E. She has stuff going on in her life and head that is making her act out this way. Namely, i’d say she’s insecure with herself and with the relationship the two of you have. Have you tried sitting her down and asking her what’s prompting all of this?
Maybe a little compassion and friendly support is all she needs? In any case, I am not saying her behaviour is excusable and right, I just think that good friends are hard to come by and if she is a good friend, then she deserves some compassion and support and a second chance.
Have the talk, see what may really be going on and then see if things change or not and whether the relationship can continue.
Best of luck.
Happygirl2015ParticipantThanks Matt and Inky for your replies.
Matt: Yes, my husband and I do things together and he is very committed to our family. Our relationship is pretty solid which is why I am not thinking this is jealousy over R because you are right she is just bringing up my own issues of insecurity and such even though I have nothing to be insecure over. I don’t handle my stress well at all (hence the two burn outs) :/ But I am working on trying to get better at that. Sigh…. My husband is stubborn though and my asking him not to have contact with this ex would probably not fly… cause he cannot understand what the big deal is from my side… he would probably view it as controlling and it would make for awkward times with is best bud… dunno… If i said no to having her and them here at my house, he would go to them likely. I would be ok with that I guess but would then feel excluded! Ridiculous I know but there it is… I can’t have it both ways…
Inky: I can appreciate that view and wish I could adopt that wholeheartedly… but I am just not there yet. I recently discovered that I am an approval seeker and have issues with people things badly of me or causing waves… it’s uncomfortable for me to admit that but I am working on it now… I wish I didn’t care what they thought but I do for now… probably cause it is also linked to my husband and what he thinks.. groan.. Our house has always been open to the best friend… it would likely bother my husband a lot of he wasn’t welcome by me because they are like brothers…
Anyway, thank you for the comments. I am feeling better about it all.
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