there were never any arguments. even towards the end.. the conversation about going separate ways was nothing but respectful, understanding, and mature. (note that this occurred via text message and on my end was very visibly upset and frustrated but never displayed that). I was fully prepared for his life to change in the blink of an eye and I was there supporting him and essentially “waiting” for him. When I say “waiting” I respected his time and priorities and tried not to interfere/ pressure him. Every so often I would suggest a time to try and get together when he had more free time on the weekends. It would be light hearted ideas that he equally seemed excited about but those couple of instances I never got clear cut / definite scheduled plans or time with him. He wouldn’t really communicate with me and would leave me wondering if we were getting together or not. Granted, I became a bit reserved in the sense that I would be so afraid of rejection (even this far along in our relationship) that I would not follow up that day to see what the plans were so instead I trusted what he said to keep me posted. Which eventually led to him doing a group mandated event for his job and then spending the night studying for his job. He would suggest that when he was done studying we could spend time together and chill but by then it would be past 9pm and that didn’t make me feel important. Granted the following scenario happened twice only and after the second time is when I reached out to him.

It’s just so confusing because I never pressured him, I stood by his side, was understanding of the circumstances and I know how much he liked/cared for me. Which is probably why it hurts so much. He knew I deserved better and he couldn’t do us the right was at that time.. now his training is coming to an end.. his routine will be more stable and available and I wonder what his motives are with me. Why does he keep subtly reaching out to me here and there? I miss him but because we never had closure face to face to talk about how things were handled, it makes me fearful of being the first one to extend the offer to meet up in the future. By the way things have been going lately my friends and I assumed it’s his way of eventually trying to get together with me again too but I just don’t know.