Hello gaelicgirl,

I’m sorry for the pain you’re feeling and, up front, I’m not going to pretend I know what you’re going through as I can only imagine. What I’ll provide here is only the input of a man who can only give an opinion about how he presumably would deal with your situation.

That being said, you have to understand that when these types of situations happen, it is always about suppressed emotions or new discoveries. Each day we find ourselves in different paths, different decisions, changes that happened. Sometimes we just look back into what we wanted from years ago and think that we’ve made the wrong choices or that “this isn’t the life we wanted”.
I suspect that, your husband, did love you and still loves you very much, just not in a way that makes him happy enough with his life. And, if that’s the case, you have to remember that it hasn’t got anything to do with you and everything to do with him. He probably got into the old story of growing, getting a job, getting married, having kids and one day he woke up and didn’t like what he saw.
I know it’s hard but you should look at this as a liberating event. It’s better this way, you should only be married to a person who fully wants you and progresses with you every day. Also this is a great opportunity for you to focus on what you really want and how bigger you can also become, both for yourself and your kids.

But I know that letting go in this case is what’s causing you pain. The best way to solve this is to have a blunt conversation. Let him be honest about what he wants and what he feels. It might cause even more pain so I’d only advice this if you’re ready for it and if he’s ready because I presume he wants to spare you from any more tears he might inflict upon you.

That’s the reason I think he doesn’t provide an answer. He doesn’t know it as well or he’s too afraid of admitting it to you. It’s not good to force it either but if he doesn’t help you, you have to assume that’s a cue to move on, start fresh and work your way back to being a great happy woman.

Remember, we all fall and we get depressed, it’s our choice to stay down and we always have the power to stand up again.

What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.

Best of luck my dear.

Hello Jeena,

Well, as you may have guessed, some things are real and some things are in your head. For example, when you say “He couldn’t but I know better” you’re comparing a new experience with someone new to previous experiences in your life, therefore, in your head, you are assuming that the same might be happening again because you have an event in your past that dictates how it goes however, you must remember that different times and different people can produce different results.

Having feelings online, from my perspective, is possible. You talk to someone, you get to know someone, it’s possible to develop quite the bound to a person despite having never met her in real life.

However, you have to take the other variables into consideration. There’s a reason why he didn’t come and the only person that can tell you that reason is him. It’s up to you to believe him or not, either way, it’s out of your control.

You can try to meet him, develop a relationship and I encourage you to do it but remember that, if it doesn’t work out, you mustn’t be afraid to take the chance. It’s better to let your heart guide you through these situations instead of looking for logical reasons to either go for it or back out. You’re never going to be fully happy with whatever answers we might present to you here since none of them will be definite answers to your problem.

Weather it’s real or in your head shouldn’t be a problem, if you want it, go for it.

Best of luck to you.