Gee Will…it’s advice such as:

Abigail, rather than putting your energy into trying to be a shape you’ll probably never achieve
that keep people stuck, immobilized and defeated. Anyone can change aspects of themselves or their surroundings, but they have to really, really , really want to change.
So Will you great insight?
Just change your attitude?…great advice. Very similar to, trying to find a good radio station while your car is on fire,

Abigail, a change in attitude will do nothing without an action. It is the action that will empower you and as you gain inner strength than YOU have control of staying, leaving or anything else. It’s your turn, don’t let anyone else DEFINE your life or tell you “you’ll never achieve”…I think we have a name for statements such as Will wrote: “verbal abuse” …diminishing someone’s self worth and negating their power and abilities.
Abigail, stay in the moment take a step toward what you want, focus on you not your boyfriend or his past girlfriends.
Pamela

HI Matt
“Then she wanted to give me a hug and it seemed like she was looking to kiss. It didn’t happen because this was pretty much the first date I had in 22 years and I was a little awkward. But man, I was on cloud nine. It was a great first meeting and I like her”.

Your actions didn’t follow your truth. Perhaps saying what you felt, “I feel awkward this is my first date I don’t want to mess this up, but I’m on cloud nine” would have connected her to you and to the moment. Clouding your feeling by pulling back and covering up your truth weaves that old web of confusion. Your pulling back wasn’t about what you feeling in the moment it had to do with what you brought to the table, you baggage, we all do it. Guess what? She brought her suitcases also and you have no idea what those bags contained. Perhaps in her past relationships her actions were “dismissed” or “scorned” and here it was happening again. She took a risk and it was rebuffed. This is all speculation of course. But what isn’t speculative is: you aren’t seeing clearly because there is nothing to clearly see.
If you truly feel a connection…don’t give up, share your fears and reach out. Stay truthful and eventually the fog will lift.
Good Luck!
Pamela

Hello Eddie,
As a psychologist I can tell you that you’re living stuck in a room you hate and instead of changing rooms you’re rearranging the furniture. No matter how often you move that sofa Eddie, you’re still stuck in the room, nothing really changes. What you have to realize is every thought you have about yourself and your life was put there by you. You programmed your mind by negative thoughts, errors in your thinking, and false underlying assumptions about situations and social interactions. You are existing in something called a “Negative Triad”. A negative triad is a vicious circle spinning downward. Here’s how it plays out:
1. The automatic thoughts that pop into your head are negative thoughts about yourself, the world, and the future. In your own words, you see yourself as inadequate and your life has been full of obstacles and difficulties. You see these problems as continuing with little hope for improvement.
2.When these negative automatic thoughts come into your mind, they trigger feelings of despair and make a “down” or “low” mood even lower
3. The low mood acts like a magnet for negative thoughts. The negative thoughts come to mind more often and because they do the negative thoughts become more believable.
Low mood->negative thoughts->lower mood
4. What happens next is procrastination, inactivity, and feelings of helplessness.
BUT just as you programmed your mind with negative software…you can upgrade to a new program. Now it took a long time to get your thought patterns where they are now and it will take commitment, time and practice to make changes; but it can be done with success.
The question is Do you want to change? Are there underlying benefits living in that room? Only you can answer that.
Take one small action, if you don’t want to start therapy , look for a support group, go to one meeting and see what happens. Once you make a decision and take action, you’ve already begun to break the cycle.
Good Luck
I’ll be praying for you.
Pamela