Hi, I broke up with my boyfriend over a week ago now and at the time it felt like the right thing to do. However as time’s gone by I miss him so much. He was basically my life for 2 years, my best friend and my partner in crime. We did everything together, going from that to nothing is killing me. I went out for my friends b’day a few days ago and I actually had to excuse myself from the table to cry in the toilet cubicle, because it felt wrong that I wasn’t sharing this evening with him. I feel like I have no right to feel this way because I was the one to break it off with him.

The reason I ended it was because for over a year I’d been begging him to get his life sorted. He didn’t have a job and spent his days either with me or when I was working, playing video games. I was mothering him so much, that all my friends joked that he should have got me a mothers day card! By the end my feelings of being in love were fading, I felt like I tried so hard. He also lives an hour away and doesn’t drive, so I was forever travelling up there.

However now we’ve broken up, he’s got himself a job and is learning to drive. He then begged me back, which was the hardest thing for to say no to but it unfortunately it feels too late. I love him dearly but I’m not in love with him anymore. However I can’t stop thinking about how I’ve hurt him. How I just want to hold him in my arms again and tell him everything is going to be ok. How I just want to go on another one of our drives, where no one exists but us. I just feel so lost. I’ve tried to keep busy but I just can’t. I’ve spent the last 3 days (my days off work) either lying in bed numb, whilst drifting in and out of sleep. I got up at 5pm yesterday! Or crying like I am now. I know that I can’t risk breaking his heart again, and I know I’m not in love with him, but I also know I can’t carry on like this. I honestly feel like I’m falling apart and I don’t know how to put myself back together.