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Michael SmithParticipantCranberry
Anyone who talks about being someone else whilst with you really isn’t worth your time.
I’m sorry but this man seems as though his main focus changes on a regular basis. When he’s with you it’s you but then when away it switches.
We all deserve someone who puts us at the top of their priorities and this is not it.
My best
Michael.
Michael SmithParticipantDear Shelbyville
I have not posted on these forums in some time, but after logging back in and reading your story I felt I must.
You say everyone tells you that this is his lost but you can’t see that, why is this?
I’ve learnt now that we continually blame ourselves for the things that go wrong to us. How could it not be something we did?
The truth is, people are strange creatures. We act in the strangest ways and there isn’t necessarily a cookie cutter shape for us.
For me, Self Esteem is something that you have to continually work on. Having more self esteem is something that we all regularly talk about, but what does it actually mean?
I would advise you to think about taking care of and respecting yourself. What do you like to do? What makes you happy?
For example, in a similar low point I learnt how to love myself again. I started reading, cooking, spending quality time with friends and doing things for others.
These were things that brought me happiness and made me realise that I could do great things. They increased my self esteem.
We will never be continually happy, but can we spend the majority of our time just being content?
My best.
Michael.
Michael SmithParticipantYes struggling still. I feel like I’ve had my head messed with and it’s really got me down
Michael SmithParticipantWell as time goes on i’m still finding it so hard to cope with this.
Seeing someone else move on whilst you’re sat questioning everything is such a hard emotion to deal with.
For her it must be easier as this all ended on ‘her terms’ it was her feelings that were confused and she was the one who wanted out.
It aches. It’s painful – I just want to be out the other side and feel free again, like I don’t have those thoughts of her everyday and I can just look back with happiness as opposed to the sadness I feel
May 24, 2014 at 5:59 am in reply to: Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth #57224Michael SmithParticipantYes 100% 🙂
Always thinking that she will change her mind and realise that this is stupid and we can be so good together…
But I’m slowly starting to realise that it’s not going to happen so just keep being strong.
You’ve got to hold that no contact – it’s almost like proving to yourself you don’t need to be talking to them.
If they really were the perfect person you think they are then you would be together – it’s quite simple when you think about it.
Just stay strong and try and remember that there are over 3.5 billion other men in the world and you’re spending all of your time thinking about just one of those
🙂
May 18, 2014 at 8:27 am in reply to: Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth #56474Michael SmithParticipant@tinyzebra – it’s certainly common to think that way – I assume so at least as it’s what I’m doing as well 🙂
You’re ahead of me in terms of where you are as you know you deserve more – I still don’t see the point and think she’s perfect for me.
It can be very hard to deal with the loss of anything and this is certainly one of those things so don’t feel like you’re in the wrong for feeling sad – accept that it’s horrible and try and find other positives to spin whilst you heal
May 14, 2014 at 3:20 pm in reply to: Obsessing over the past to the point its no longer the truth #56299Michael SmithParticipantHello
Sounds like you’ve been going through something very similar to me so I’ll share what I’ve learnt/am learning still.
As hard as we try to make the best of every relationship we can’t always do so. I to was in a 6 month ‘sort of relationship’ with someone who had been hurt before and wasn’t sure about committing. Eventually she did for a few months and said it was what she really wanted before changing her mind further down the line.
The point is that I gave it everything and came out empty handed and it sounds like you’re almost doing the same, you miss him like crazy and you want to be with him.
You’re remembering nice times because there are nice times and you did have a good time. Cherish those.
As much as it hurts what you had is over and if someone isn’t ready to give more of themselves then you require then unfortunately it’s nothing that be fixed.
You’ll be trying to show how great you are to make them change their minds. But we’re stubborn 🙂 and we can’t always get what we want as much as it pains the inner child in all of us.
Be strong and just think that all of this happens for a reason – even if you can’t see it now you will be ok.
Michael SmithParticipantHi Molly,
You haven’t even said if you want to be friends with this person? It’s hard to become friends with an EX as deep down there will always be some connection to that person in a level that exceeds basic friendship.
I think that we can have civil relations with our EX partners but it’s very difficult to become close with them without one person getting hurt.
You should think about what you want. You need to put your own needs first. We can only look out for ourselves in these situations.
If you feel like you want that friendship then maybe you should reach out, but do it for you not for them.
Michael SmithParticipantThank you for all saying such nice things – these situations are never easy.
I do know deep down I will be ok and that time is the greatest healer of all, the hardest part is acceptance of something being over. It can be very hard to let go of someone who you care about so greatly and have given so much of yourself too.
There are no regrets from the experience, only regrets that it wasn’t able to last longer, it currently feels like a chapter has been half written with so many more words to say.
Perhaps in years to come I’ll look back so fondly on the amazing times I spent with this person and how happy she made me even for that small period of time in the grand scheme of things.
I care about how deeply and it’s going to take me a while to heal – there is a very good blog post on the Tiny Buddah site about ‘The Heartbreak Cycle’ – I’ve read it a few times now and it’s really resonated with my situation and helped me to find some understanding in the actions of the girl who said she just wasn’t ready.
It’s very foreign to me, but we’re all different and we need to accept each others differences, I’m by no means over her but I hope if I can keep strong and have faith in my actions all will be ok.
Michael SmithParticipantAfter giving space and meeting up to chat she felt that she just wasn’t ready for this. It’s very hard to take, I’ve given a lot of my self to this relationship and really felt like i had met someone that was going to be this huge part of my life.
It’s hard to accept my future without her in it and the idea that I now need to move on.
I gave her everything I could, I know there is nothing more I could of done. Time will heal but I can’t help holding out hope that she will wake up and realise that this is a mistake. It really feels in my heart that we are meant to be together.
No contact is essential for me ATM, it’s too painful to think about her let alone be friends although it’s hard as I miss her so much.
Michael SmithParticipant🙂 thank you, I think I just need to be respectful. I think deep down I just want her to be happy. I wish it was with me but I can’t make that happen.
Michael SmithParticipantI’m glad it could help in some way 🙂
Michael SmithParticipantYeah I get it, I find it hard when I’m not in control of a situation. I like to be the person who fixes things and makes everything better, wanting to make her better and happier by leaving her alone feels so far from what is right in my head but I also know it’s the right thing to do. I hope it shows, a lot of me is holding out hope that things will work out and we can reconcile and be stronger from this.
Michael SmithParticipantVery nice words from you both – I do feel like all I can do in this situation is be respectful and see how everything plays out. I’m very aware that what I want at the minute is unlikely, however I do have some small comfort in the knowledge that I did all I can and have it my all. I guess if this one isn’t meant to be then it just isn’t and I will use the experience to better myself
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