I signed up to Tiny Buddha just so that I could share the following:

Find a higher purpose together. When my hubby and I get owly or even ugly with each other, we get through it because we share a greater purpose, something higher than our day-to-day frustrations with each other. In your case, your wife is disinterested in you/her marriage/(her life?), but if you both had something bigger than yourselves and your relationship to spend time together on, it might bring you closer. (And may I suggest the climate emergency? We need way more volunteers and all hands on deck.)

Robert Bly called marriage “the third body.” When spouses can’t stand the sight of each other, they can still choose to treat each other respectfully out of respect and care for the third body, the marriage itself.

Do you share the same sense of humour? I find this to be a huge predictor of success in a relationship (any relationship). If you laugh together, it means you share the same outlook on life. Do you laugh together? If you watch a comedy together, do you both find it funny or corny or silly? Create some opportunities to laugh together, as a couple and as a family (comedy movies or plays, jokes at the dinner table, being silly together).

On a day to day basis, my husband and I use the “rewind” technique. When we notice things starting to go south (it’s usually when we’re stressed out), one of us calls “Rewind!” and we take a breath and then go back and start the conversation again. I wonder if this technique could work on a more long-term basis in your marriage — taking turns rewinding back to when things were good, remembering those good times of feeling connected to and needed by each other, reliving and cultivating the good feelings, basking in those memories.

Just some thoughts. I wish you all the best. Here’s to the highest good of all concerned, especially your children.

Julie