Hi Lulu,

I may understand everything you’ve said. (I’m 36, female, and single.) I think wanting a relationship and children is very normal, and it’s also very normal for women in particular to think about these things more as we approach 40. Men generally can have children much later in life than we can, and so I think there is less concern about running out of time.

I just wanted to say that I feel for you and empathize with you. It’s difficult enough to find the right person, and a ticking body clock doesn’t help. I’m not sure if I want kids myself, but I have left the door open, and I feel it starting to close because of time.

Regarding this “void” that others seem to want to throw you into: I don’t think wanting a relationship automatically means a person has some kind of bad spiritual deficit they need to fix. I think it can mean that a happy, successful, fulfilled person wants to share her life with the same type of person. I wonder if some of these advice-givers are confusing needing someone with wanting to share with someone, and are also assuming you’re in the former camp.

Anyway, it sucks, I know! You’re so not alone.

I don’t know if this will help, but, I think many right people are out there for each person. It’s just a matter of finding those people. Somehow, that’s comforting to me.