Thank you everyone for your words of encouragement and insight.

Liz, it really hit home for me when you talked about how one can retreat to the familiar after a setback, even if it is negativity that is familiar. During that great upswing period where I was making a lot of progress in understanding myself and the way my mind and emotions interacted with each other, I came to see just how much I allowed negativity to dictate my life. No accomplishment was enough, no recognition or good time or relationship could somehow ‘prove’ to me that I was worthy or capable of future success. I wrote this poem about it actually in the spring:

I think to myself,
‘I’m happy’
And I feel the need to
Knock on wood.
Is contentment a jinx?
Has my ‘realism’ been a choice all
This time?
I’m afraid to lose
These eggs sunny side up
When they’ve always been
Scrambled
Or hard boiled
Before.
I’m nervous
Looking for clouds on the horizon.
Can this really be?
Can this really last?
Have I found the way to
Walk with myself
And let worry
Find it’s own way home?

So I guess you can see there that I was even a little anxious about finding the peace that I had discovered. But it shows me that it’s possible. I know it’s not gone, and that I am gaining tools to continue on my path.

Matt, thanks for your beautiful words. I think a returning to the basics of the present, the sensations that keep me calm/give me peace will be helpful. Meditation is something that I’ve attempted in the past but I really think I ought to try again. Loran, I will be sure to check out that book!

Again, I really appreciate all of your insight and will take care to try and remind myself of these words as I go forward. I love the imagery of the cha-cha and the upward spiral 🙂