I too send love from Canada

Though I cannot say for sure. Do you think you have things backwards? Let me see if this makes sense.

You mentioned you have been working for 14 years and decided you had to take a break. It sounds like you were either dreading or stressed from it without realizing all these years. No worries because I’m sure being in business you must have made a good amount of salary 🙂

Did your job have time for you to relax for vacation and holidays? Your desire to be a full time traveller occurred in the year you were on the break, maybe a big part of this is more about finding a job that allows you to have relaxation time.

When a person first begins dating, he or she may fall in love with the other since the feeling is so new. He or she may have thoughts of marriage and put their lover over friends and family. Rarely thouh do people marry their first relationship. By this logic you were so unhappy with your job that when you did relax, it felt like travelling was the only way to do this and you were lovestruck.

instead of living as a traveller then finding a job, maybe find a job that lets you live like a traveller. I say this because it sounds like you would be forcing the teaching job to work.

Don’t rush this plan. Think about it more. If our mind is overwhelmed with negativity we can’t judge well. In all honesty, I think you should first dedicate another amount of time in working with your self esteem and suicidal thoughts with a therapist.

Your parents aren’t trying to attack your dream, though I would find it annoying if they told me that. I think they are just worried you are rushing too quickly. You have lots of time to plan this.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.

Hmmm.. this is a tricky question. I have no answers.

Speaking for myself, when I felt robbed of my time, I also felt a pressure too experience everything as well.
Like you, I felt that none of my choices were ever mine and that I had little say in what to do.

My medicine, which may or may not be helpful to you, was too establish control of my choices. It will take awhile,
but start off by making small choices by yourself.

I think moving was an excellent first step.

You will learn that your choices are not guaranteed success, but risks you take. Not every risk you take is rewarding, but at least it was your decision. This helps you build a resilience against failure.

How does this relate to pressure? Well, I feel pressure is a by-product, not a cause. However, the pressure is caused by feeling you have been robbed of choices so in my opinion, maybe feeling like you have a freedom of choices can help reduce this pressure.

Warmest Regards,
Alana

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.
• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.

I had to downgrade a best friend to a good friend because of a push-pull cycle. Mine was a friendship so it’s a bit different from romantic relationships.

How do I describe her? Exciting, spontaneous and hilarious. Everyday we would talk on the phone and talk about ideas like making plans for trips, plans being roomies and even to open our own bakery.

We would list things we wanted to do in the future like skydiving, dining and partying. I think the sad truth that I learnt was we were living in the realm of possibilities. It was much more exciting to do the planning versus carrying it out.
A home made of glass is beautiful but fragile. Our relationship broke down when we decided to actually carry out the plans. The bakery opened since we never were able to finalize what our ideas on it, despite talking about it for months and months. I came to realize we were both two dreamers who escaping reality together through the same dream.

Everytime we were close to finalizing the plan for the bakery, she would sabotage the plan by pointing every single flaw out. We had cycles of getting together to discuss which was always filled with laughter and then moments where she would remain distant and evasive to talk about it.

I was upset about it but let it go because I realized she was communicating “no” plus the bakery was a huge commitment. Things got out of hand when I realized I was being constantly disappointed. Do you wanna go eat? Yes, but then no. Do you wanna to stop by the shoe store? Yes but then no.

I am much more understanding now and have forgiven her because I also chose to agree with plans that probably were never gonna happen. I allowed it to keep happening and didn’t set limits because I understood she was struggling with “who” she was and “what” she wanted. I feel less angry knowing that I willingly kept making plans for I should have learnt my lesson.

I was so in love with the picture we constructed of what we could have been that I blamed her by taking my anger on her and forcing the relationship to work in the way it could have been. I’ve forgiven much of it now and we are friends, just on a different level and with boundaries so I protect myself from further resentment. No more planning with her. Believe me, it wasn’t easy it was like I was addicted to her. Took ups and downs for me too realize this.

Moving on is much easier when you know why feel like falling back into the same cycle. Understanding why he was so appealing to you and what emotional benefit you were getting from him is a step in rendering your the hole in your heart and such desires powerless. For me, I was looking for excitement to relieve my feelings of boredom for I was always the passive type of person, this in no way applies to you 😀

Warmest Regards,
Alana

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.

Hi Kevin,

When you said that you have new fears on your list each day, since you know that you can’t control everything, maybe it’s time to look at what you are worried about. Are your fears likely to happen? Are they something you can control? This is something that group therapy or indiviudal therapy can help for sure. Not speaking about your depression can often give you a sense of isolation, it’s good that you reached out on these forums, but most importantly a counsellor is best, if not a friend.

Though I cannot say, it sounds like a significant part of your depression is related to worrying. Though you know that you cannot control everything, it’s worth challenging each worry. You can do this by researching into them more. Are they likely to happen? Are they inevitable?

It really depends what you are worried about but I can give an example of worry I had.

When I was young, I use to be fearful that a man will come and shoot me while I am walking. To minimize or prevent it, I constantly would check every 5 minutes behind my back to see if there was anyone following me. It became a habit but my simple walks to the library became extremely stressful. I challenged it like this. How common are gun shootings? Though it could happen, why me? I’m just a kid. I concluded this was an overly exaggerated thought that became obsessive because I kept reinforcing it by checking to see who is following me.

Ideas live if you behave in ways that feed them. I allowed my fear to keep living by behaving in ways as if it were happening.

I am not supporting recklessness, but definitely consider challenging each worry on individually.

My experience may or may not be useful. I found that when I have an expectation or specific way I believe is correct in living my life, this can create depression. This isn’t only cause of it, but at least it was a significant one for me.

I use to think that I should be enjoying myself since I’m given so many opportunities or I should have do more with my life because of my fortunate upbringing. Meditation is still helpful imo, but figuring out the thoughts and beliefs that lead to disappointment and guilt will help minimize depression.

Just because you are given gifts, doesn’t mean you need to accept them. By this logic, you do not need to be living it out just because you are given opportunities. I remember beating myself up constantly for not finishing my university degree. I felt like I was wasting an opportunity that not many people get. I felt like my parents saved their money for my schooling, so why should I let that go to waste?

Though I am only 20, I can relate to the feeling of emptiness when surrounded by fortune. The “shoulds,” when minimized frees you to existing just for existing. I felt much relieved the more I gave time to myself to read a book or watch movies just because I could.
At first, I felt terrible because I had it all and “should” be getting a move on with my life.

Warmest Regards,
Alana

Feeling not good enough is a sign of self-depreciating thoughts. It would be a good idea to try out little things like makeup or Like what Inky said, you can look great at any size if you know how to dress. For now, this is only temporary relief. What needs to be evaluated is the self-depreciating thoughts.

I know this is obvious but do you find yourself obsessing with imperfections in the mirror? Try to give a limited amount of time in which you spend looking at the mirror, do not avoid it because this may reinforce your self-depreciating thoughts.

It might be worth checking out thought-traps in cognitive behavioural therapy online. This exposes and disempowers negative thought loops that you may have about when you look at yourself. Try to reduce the amount of time gradually that you compare yourself with his exes. Like do you see them on facebook? Keep a journal of your self-depreciating thoughts and try to look at it in different perspectives. Why journal? Well, have you written a letter to your middle school crush and kept a copy? When you looked back years later didn’t the content seem so flawed? When you write something down, it gives you a chance to evaluate it for later versus having no record at all.

I only recommend shaving a few pounds off if and only if you feel it’s beneficial for you. Do not do it with the motivation to impress or too secure your boyfriend. Changing for yourself is entirely different than changing for your boyfriend. Your weight is independent to his behaviour.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 3 months ago by Alana.