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GletParticipantDear Anita
perhaps you don’t remember I’ve talked to you before about my insecurities…it was on another thread…so maybe I can go and continue this on that thread..will that be okay?
GletParticipantDear Anita
thank you for replying..
well maybe I should have used a different word instead of perfect…
I do know his insecurities,his fears and they are even things about him that I don’t always like but most of the times and in big situations..he always does the right thing..takes the right direction decisions..i fell in love with his maturity and his ability to stay calm all times…
back to me…
I did talk to him about my insecurities,he knows about my past and I have known him for 2years…he understands me but the problem is each time we have a misunderstanding or sometimes when I just have one of my moments,I would get scared..i feel so vulnerable with him cause he knows so much about me..i freak out and I try to push him away…i don’t want to keep doing that..i want to be able to just accept that he loves me despite knowing about my insecurities and fears….and not worry all the time that he will leaveGletParticipantDear Andreacimon
I’ve been following your conversation with Anita because I felt I could learn a thing or two from her incredible insight….
but I want to ask you this..
what happens if you divorce your husband and your current boyfriend breaks it off with you?..
am sorry for being so cynical
but I’ve been where you are not…depending on people for emotional support,being unable to be truly happy and fulfilled on my own..
I too had a dark past and I went through so much which left me emotionally weak.
I am not saying that you should stop getting emotional support from people..but have you ever thought of another way…trying to be there for yourself instead…trying to lift yourself up instead of looking to someone to do it for you…
I don’t know if I am making sense..i am only 19 but I’ve been through enough to know that the only person we can truly trust and depend on is ourselves…people change,their priorities do too….
once again am sorry if am being negative here….GletParticipantHey there…
I had tears in my eyes the whole time while reading your post…some things were similar to what I went through and I saw myself in your words..you want to be happy,you want to live life and be free of the suicidal thoughts,am not going to beat around the bush and I will tell you exactly what I think you need to do…
LEAVE THAT MAN!!!
not only does he sound like a full blown narcissist but he is abusive in every single way…
I don’t know much about love,am only 19 but I have been through so much..enough to know that love isn’t painful..why won’t he let him do what you want,like go to college,why is he keeping you away from your family…because he wants to keep having power over you..to alienate you from everything else that might make you open your eyes…GEt out of there!!…
I know that you have some strength in you..the sane strength that made you come here to seek help,the same one that made you write all of those painful things..
use that strength and get out of there…
if you can run to your mother..it will not be easy,but your life will be much better when you start doing what you want to do without this man holding you back…you don’t need to stay with someone who abuses you in every single way..emotionally,verbally and even sexually…
you deserve nothing like that man and I really wish that one day you will realize your worth…
and please please think about it….I hope that one day you will have that strength to take the first step for your happiness and when you do,it will not be easy but post here…continue to post of this thread..i wad helped by people here and you can be helped too…
I wish you all the best
GletParticipantDear Anita
am writing to thank you so much for everything you said on this post…i truly appreciate it and your advice made me feel so much better..it made me see hope even when I was giving up…about moving out and getting away from my step mum,well I applied to another university still and china and I got accepted so things are looking well..thank you so much..you are truly wonderful…i am much better now and although I have moments of sadness,they don’t last long cause am looking at things in a different way…and you said that you hoped one day I would want to live for myself and not only for my dad..i want that too…and I am trying to love myself and value myself more….oh and I copied your morning walk routine..i found that my day was so much better when I went for a walk in the morning and tried to just appreciate what was outside and I just spent time alone…
so thank you so much…
its rare to find people that are genuinely willing to listen and help.you are a blessing…..GletParticipantDear Anita…
thank you so much for analyzing the situation so well for me…and yes you are right about the silent abuse…if I can call it that,.because even if she doesn’t say much I find myself getting affected by small things…i thought that was just be overreacting or taking things to heart…
and yes moving out is a good plan…luckily,I have good grades and I think I can still find another school somewhere else..so I am holding on to that idea for now…
I could go to live with my biological mother…she lives in another country but still in Africa..problem is I don’t know her too well..didnt live with her and it will be like moving in with a stranger..
but thank you so much..
you are truly kind and I am humbled to receive advice from you..
thank youGletParticipantBut how can I stop pushing people away?..because I have met alot of really good people and I just didn’t know how to truly appreciate them…
GletParticipantI can’t really say that my step mother is still abusive now…she doesn’t say much anymore and we barely ever talk which I appreciate more because its Better than when she was abusive..we try to stay away from each other for the sake of peace…
and you have made alot of sense..thank you so so much..
I feel so much better just knowing that you took so much time to reply and help me understand what is going on..thank you…
and yes the uncle abusing me didn’t have much impact because I was young and didn’t understand much of it..GletParticipantDear anita
yes I am still living with my dad and his wife..
and I am female.lolGletParticipantDear Anita
you are truly wonderful I read this forum everyday and I am inspired by how much you always reply to people and your advice…i would want to be like you…you asked me why I push people away..i am not sure if I have a direct answer to that..i used to be a jovial person..was always happy,loved life,loved myself until I moved to live with my dad and step mum..everything fell apart then.she was verbally abusive and she always tried to bring me down…she drained every last bit of happiness that I had in me and I became extremely quiet because she judged every word that I would say..
on top of that I was abused at the age of 7..by a distant uncle who was about 30…i don’t think that is what caused my depression though..well i really don’t know..but i am just so closed off..i don’t know how to accept love from anybody except my dad because i know he loves me more than anything and he has always been there for me in the best way that he could…
but i find myself trying to push everyone away..i hate it when people get too close to me so before I start to deeply care for them,i distance myself..so many people have tried and very few are still around..i feel like i am too complicated..(always thinking too much,constantly asking too many questions…)so i feel like the people are way better off without me in their lives…emotionally i think am pretty much damaged.
i don’t know how to move forward..i would love to see a psychiatrist but when you live in Africa and you are 19,that isn’t an option so I’ve just been dying inside..
but i know that i don’t want to kill myself now..although i worry that one day i would wake and realize that nothing it better so i would take the easy way out….
the only think that kept me going is my dad and the hope that my future would be better.i want to go to school..(which is the only thing i am really good at..i am really smart academically)..so I’ve always wanted to possibly adopt a child one day and shower them with love..
but after the email i got this morning that dream seems to be drifting away and maybe that’s why i felt suicidal again…
thank you for trying to help me…you are wonderfulGletParticipantDear chaitra…
thank you so much for even taking time to reply and that is enough for me…
and yes I have been thinking of finding something to do..i love reading..infact I am always reading and that has helped me alot in the past so I will try and do that again…
thank you so muchGletParticipantDear El
Thank you so much for your kind words…and I will go to therapy soon…
GletParticipantDear Anita
thank you so much for the response….okay I will try that approach and I will tell you how it will go…
I just don’t want to hurt his feelings because he can be very sensitive…
but I will try
thank youGletParticipantDear Matt,
thank you so much for taking time to reply…it means so much to me…
and I have thought of seeing a therapist but I live in Africa and in these parts no body really goes to see a therapist unless they are mentally disturbed and people are so judgmental about these things…i once asked my dad if I could see one and the look on his face said it all..he said those people don’t help and its meant for weak people who can’t solve their problems..i don’t blame him because that’s how this society is..everybody just swallows whatever they are going through…but I will see one soon cause luckily an moving abroad for college…so I will..
once again thank you..GletParticipantHey there…
I was in the same situation almost all my life..i felt alone and not worthy of anything…i hated waking up and feeling terrible about everything…i don’t know your exact situation but I know how you’re feeling…
I don’t know you but am certain that you’re not fat or ugly cause I felt like that too..i conditioned myself to believe that..
but here is what worked for me…what helped me and I hope that It will help you too…I wrote a list of all the good things I have ever done…including the smallest thing such as the time I helped an old lady on the street,the time I gave someone something,the time my friend cried and I made her feel better…i wrote it down and read it everyday..it reminded me that am not a bad person and that my existence is important…
I talked to more people…listened to more people and as we shared our problems I found out that I wasn’t the only one who felt like that…i could relate to people and they to me,..just knowing that made me feel better,,,
I dressed to kill..lol…i would wake up,dress up,look in the mirror and tell myself that I was beautiful..at first I didn’t believe it but with time I started seeing it and I started feeling beautiful..
I don’t know if these things will work for you..but you won’t know that until you try it…and remember its okay to cry…cry when you feel like hurting yourself let the tears run then sleep..you’ll wake up feeling better…
but no matter what remember you are not alone..alot of people feel this way every day…and you’ll feel better even just by sharing your experience with someone…
be strong and all the best -
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