Hi Jake,

Not sure if you will check this again, but I just want to say that you are a very positive fella. Your replies to everyone were kind and grateful. And I have also had experiences that makes the existence of God unquestionable for me. Now, I will try to keep my thoughts coherent and if it helps you any well, cheerio. I, too, find that the answer to part of your question is God. The reason for our existence and living daily when life can be crap to live or watch, all has to do with God. I’m glad you are reading the Bible. Another great step is to find someone who can help explain it to you. Unfortunately for me, sometimes knowing /reading/ thinking does not help me. No matter what I do I can’t think about things … um … correctly. I take an herbal supplement to help with that. But when I can’t think correctly and I am in a suicidal phase, my only way past it is to find that one “ultimate thought” that keeps me living to the next day. That: why do I stand up in the morning? Right now, it is my children. I tell myself that I could die today anyway, so let me spend my final moments taking care of them. Quite morbid, but it gets me through to the next day or until my thinking gets corrected. I’ve had many others. When one “ultimate thought” stops working I find a new one to replace it. And I think pain is what lets me know I am alive. I think that whether I am dead, alive, or dreaming pain avoidance is a good thing. Good luck to you.