Hi Hannah

I’m no expert but I wanted to offer you some sympathy and support, as by the sounds of if I have very similar kind of issues to you – so much of what you said about how you feel was familiar to me. My take on it (and this is just my personal take) is that if this man can’t give you the patience and freedom that you need in a relationship, then he isn’t right for you. That’s not to say he’s a bad guy – just that he isn’t right for you, which I know can be hard as I’m sure there is much else which is good about him and the relationship. But in my experience of being very similar to you in many ways, the more someone tries to cage you in, or put pressure on you to be “fixed”, the worse the anxiety / insomnia / panic / phobias (delete as appropriate) become. I’m not suggesting anyone should expect the other to fit in with the way they are all the time, but you need to feel an innate flexibility and understanding  that it sounds like he isn’t able to provide you with. Of course if he also suffers with mental health issues then you need to offer up the same.

Whatever happens if the relationship ends you mustn’t it as you failing, or you not giving it a chance to work because you can’t open up to him. You are who you are, all the easy and sometimes not so easy bits. If it doesn’t work, it’s not because it’s your fault or there is something wrong with you. Believe me – this has been a super hard lesson that I’ve had to learn and am still learning.

Good luck with it x