It is normal to feel this way when a person is hurting or grieving. A ‘bad person’ don’t be so hard on yourself or that person. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions that you are feeling, allow yourself the space and time to heal. Try and perceive the situation from a different perspective instead of saying why does this happen , ask yourself what have a learnt from this situation. Focus on the now, this present moment that you are living , instead of focusing on all that is wrong think of things that are right . We are human , we all make mistakes. You are not alone… It’s a fear losing control of the situation or losing a relationship that you hold so dear that one eventually pushes people away. I am the same … Maybe you just need change , a lifestyle change .