I think you should take time to remember that no one is the same size and shape. You should not worry about what the scale says; only worry about how you feel. It takes a great deal of strength to decide that today is the day that you are important enough to matter. Once you find out the root of your troubles it will be easier to sort through your feelings and emotions. We all have our demons we just need to decide that our past and our choices can all be changed.
(I have been through an extreme amount of turmoil this year. Looking to other for gratification for my feelings and I finally realized just the other day that what I wanted more than anything was everyone’s approval and accept for my mistakes and the pain I had caused myself and others)
I hope that you will come to a place where you can love yourself for who you are. Acceptance of the good and the bad. We all have areas that we can work on. Just take it one day at a time and make small changes in your lifestyle and it will be a life long change. Nothing will change over night but we can give ourselves a break. If you continuously work on improving yourself your relationships will all becoming stronger and healthier. Love yourself!