@CB I know this is the worst time to be going through a heartbreak. However flip it. Think if the positives what do you still have. Those things you feel he has stolen. Fight for them your son is both of yours. The in laws if they are good people will still keep you a part of their lives especially for their grandson sake. The friends who you shared are equally yours to keep so keep in touch via Skype, WhatsApp etc. Once the restrictions are lifted show him that you are your own person and will not be defeated or have everything stolen from you. He was cruel and selfish to walk away 3 months ago and his selfishness continues as after sharing 27 years with you he still didnt contact you at the minimum to make sure you are ok in these unprecedented times or wish you well. Shows his character. Not yours so it hurts, set yourself targets for what you want to do without him. I have found I’m very very anxious lately being away from my family. Worrying about my sister but I am channelling the concern into mini projects or tasks and sometimes I even blast music and shake off the nervous energy. Stupid but it works. Try exercise, maybe theres a stubborn part in your body you always wanted to lose. Do mindfulness activities for now work on calming the anxiety and not letting yourself believe all these people you shared with him will desert you too. Lots of love xx

Wow so much to catch up on but so grateful for the interactions. Yes I’m very lonely but I also like to think I can help someone somewhere whilst in quarantine.

@kkasxo so good to hear from you….i understand how overwhelming it must feel. Claustrophobia is real! Just try and get some fresh air in your garden, balcony or go for daily stroll locally. Yesterday in the uk at 8PM we all saluted and clapped for our doctors and nurses and carers it was such a special feeling as a collective. It is a reminder good still exists. Also feel your emotions. I’ve felt when I get antsy rather than play the thoughts in my head I shake them out.

@adelaide chick it’s so so good to hear you are generally doing ok. I wish I was half as eloquent and clear in my thoughts as you. Uou are doing incredible and I continually admire your strength. I just want to say don’t take it in a bad way but don’t let the heartbreak make you bitter you have a huge capacity to love and even though those who we loved left us don’t let it affect your future relationships in a negative way. Your brother is in love but I’m sure he loves your family too. Family is so important. Lovers come and go. Try repairing it even if you have to be the bigger person. Your ex and acquaintance is understandable. You invested a lot and they showed through their actions that they didn’t care enough. Or else they’d reach out to you too. So good job on cutting the cord. Move forward to making real deep connections.

@michelle I see you as mother hen so to hear you are proud of me made me unbelievably happy. I’m trying I really am. I’m giving Jay space and not being a leach and I’m proactively making more of an effort to checki in on him rather than expecting him to do the legwork so he knows I care. I’m so glad you got back safely and family are all good too. Keep posting I love your input.

@CB I mean I have no words. I went on your page but you have a conversation going with someone so I thought I’d reply here. So so sad to hear about your loss. After 27 years I can not fathom how you feel. I can only say maybe a midlife crisis? You share a son and so much history so I would not give up so easily. Why not let him have his space to rebel if you truly love him. In that time think about what you want. Did he actually fulfil your needs or did it become habitual? Sending warm hugs but I don’t have the experience and I can only say with time our wounds do heal. I really feel for you.

@Sammy wow your friends words although if I was to hear back in the early break up days I’d reject and find hard to swallow. I can honestly say now they are very very wise words. Michelle is right keep that friend close as you’ll heal much quicker. For now it is going to ache but you need to feel that pain to move towards recovery… so put down the drink. You are going to battle this and come out stronger. We are all here for you and you are loved and will find real love that will make you look back and smile.

@shelbyville I find you frustrating youre consistently so hard on yourself. Adelaide said it perfectly the way you handle the situation with your ex was amazing. That must have been very difficult knowing you want more. Your insight for Sammy shows you are so much further than you think. Stop dragging yourself down. You have come far we can all see your growth. Focus on your health, fingers crossed it’s not coronavirus. Keep positive. Write down on here, I’d find it an interesting read to see if what we believe about your journey is true.

What have you learnt about yourself ?

What do you want in a future partner?

What do you crave?

In what way do you wish to be loved?

Then have the vision and belief that it will come. Final note only because of my situation with Jay and I and some resemblance I see in your connection with your new friend. The last lunch we had and the good heart to heart recommended by Adelaide was a pivotal changing point in my journey to finding real connections. He told me how I made him feel and it hurt to hear but it made me realise it I care about him I need to address those issues. We are friends on the cusp of a full relationship but without communication it would have broken away completely. I’d have lost a very good person in any form in my life. I suggest you do communicate with your new guy friend about how you felt. If he is as you described you may be surprised and understanding he is. Also any type of relationship is 2 way you have to give and receive.

Love you all xxxx

@shelbyville maybe your using the thermometer in the wrong 0place? Each one is calibrated for a certain area armpit etc. Hopefully it’s nothing serious. It is why I chose to stay here and not even risk my sisters health in the slightest. The anxiety of that would kill me.

I’m really really surprised to hear your friend hasn’t been there for you after the way you have talked about in the past. It makes me think are you expecting more like I did from someone who you didn’t give in return to. Is it like Jay and I where I took granted? Even though he is amazingly generous you know how he felt. It’s strange how your relationship with your friend reminds me of the beginning stages of mine. Maybe your friend is troubled too..have you reached out to him? Rather than expecting him to reach out to you.

Your ex doesn’t seem like he was after a booty call like mine but everyone’s exes are crawling out the woodwork and when this is all over it will be interesting to see how many stick around when they are not lonely anymore.

That was a very nice human thing to do by giving you supplies. I worry you don’t recognise your ex most likely moved on long ago. I know it must hurt as you probably anticipated maybe more will come from your encounter but you need to start loving yourself shelby you are awesome. Don’t hold yourself back anymore like I said to @sammy you deserve more. Way more! No one can change your mindset other than you. X

Hi everybody,

Firstly @Michelle you have a wealth of experience and are straight to the point and right. It would be stupid of me to ignore your advice and go on the defensive. It will only cause me to go backwards and I really don’t want that for myself anymore.

Ii have made another step in progress , I was strong and when the opportunity rose I did turn down his “help”. For once he may be feeling what I felt after each break up or surprised at least like you said. You are right I’ve recognised even though I loved him he couldn’t meet my needs. If we went back there again, it would only be a matter of time before we had the same commitment issues and me bending over backwards for him and not have my needs met. I don’t want to ever go back to those dark feelings after each breakup for a short buzz even if that physical aspect has always been tempting. It’s done and over. I can’t help but carry a bit of love for him but I know he isn’t healthy for me now. I think even if Jay wasn’t around I’d decide the same so I’m really feeling this has been a big change in me.

Meeting the parents for me has always been a big step. What worries me is that I don’t feel I’m at my best and don’t want any anxiety to ruin it for me. I’m glad you mentioned to convey it to Jay. Because in my fear and anxious moment I didn’t even think to see what impact it would have on him. This is where I feel I I don’t deserve him, I can be so selfish which was never me before. I really need to work on that. Jay was understanding as ever. I actually sent him something to make him feel appreciated after you mentioned that.

I didn’t think I’d find love again, I didn’t even realise it was there. But this is a different kind not the rush of excited highs with my ex. It’s a steady warmth, calming encompassing one that makes me feel like I can finally be the unmasked version of myself, I feel seen and understood. It’s incredible. He really taught me to have more self worth. It’s amazing when someone shows you real love. I would be a fool to mess this up so I need to take it slow and not get ahead of myself. It’s hard to explain. I really want the whole thing but once I have it I’m scared I guess of it heading the same way as my relationship with my ex or me messing it up due to the scars from that relationship. But at the same time Jay is x10 the man in terms of meeting my needs so I need to have more faith.

@michelle I hope you got your flight safely home. Fingers crossed.

@adelaide as you mentioned you and @shelbyville got a text from ex too. You too made the hard but right decision to understand it’s very easy in times like this to go back to what you knew and were comfortable with. However we do deserve better for ourselves. You will find someone who you connect with and can totally be yourself, needy in the ways you want and met half way to have a much healthier relationship. I really hope you get to experience that as that feeling of finally being seen for who you are is amazing. It will make you realise what true love is bringing out the best version of each other and working hard equally hard together to make it work.

Dont be hard on yourself about your interactions with your acquaintance. But it’s not worth it chick. Few post ago I mentioned I was in that mindset when I left my ex but those superficial level connections give you short term ego boost but long term damage your self esteem. Does this person even care for who you really are? No, so don’t put your thoughts into this person.

You can learn new skills, online courses. Puzzles, learn new cooking recipes,watch Netflix, clean my place is sparkly now for once.

I hope you all stay safe and healthy. I hope our families and loved ones are safe too. We should aim to make it out the other side as better people and it really is a time when you realise the good people in your life. So hold onto.them. love you all chicks. Xxx

So anxiety has reared its ugly head real bad. London is going to go on lockdown where my family is and I’m scared. I’m scared as I’m alone here and have a runny nose and can’t be with the rest of my family due to the severe risk to my sister! I contacted Jay to tell him I’m lonely but he has no choice but to stay with his parents so I’m trying not to be selfish but the irrational part of me is feeling abandoned.

On top of that my ex can you believe it my ex after over a year He contacted me..asking about my sister and saying take measures and care. What is he playing at? Looking for someone to quarantine with? My head is now analysing this and my chest is tight! Help make sense please?!

@shelbyville you are right he is a wonderful human being. I’m just glad I came to my senses and recognised it for myself. Everyone kept telling me but until you acknowledge it by yourself like most things it doesnt sink in. I will try keep positive and be less self critical. I feel a new step since admitting or having our heart to heart as it allowed me to deal with my feelings better.

I understand your anxiety with coronavirus my little sister suffers from cystic fibrosis one infection and its scary to thing what can happen. So coronavirus has me on knife edge. Like you I’m taking precautions but decided to stop following the daily or even hourly updates. It was not healthy and was making me feel suffocated even before shut down happens. All we can do is hope for the best. Try and keep positive and I’m sure you are surrounded by lots of love and positive caring people who will get you through this anxious time. My thoughts and prayers are with everyone and I hope all our loved ones make it out alive.

Times like this you sometimes need love and support so don’t be afraid to reach out whether here or your family/friends.

@adelaide I did ? see above!!

So happy to hear you are doing well. You deserve both the work praise as well as the praise for the awesome chick you are! Continue the self work as it is doing wonders judging by your new connections and you have been giving us all a great insight into what we need to do as well.

Its human and kind to care even if something ended. Given the circumstances you did the fight thing in contacting your ex. It’s a worrying time and when you know some is likely to be worried reaching out is kind. Just be careful you don’t go back because you are doing so well. Stay safe and protected too. Hope we all make it out unscathed x

Just an update @adelaide @shelbyville

Met Jay yesterday. It was very emotional. Feel kind of like I had out of body experience.

We met at a local bistro. I was really really anxious at one point wanted to cancel go home. Anyway he turned up good start, I was wearing a mask because of coronavirus and he said I hope you are going to take that thing off and when I asked why…he said he wanted to kiss me. I said what if you are infected and I get it. He replied we can then quarantine together. 14 days together …your choice? Yes chicks, I kissed him!

I was not expecting that! But it’s like he knew I needed a statement of some sort to tell me or put me at ease off the bat to which way it was heading. We enjoyed lunch and had a real heart to heart.

He said he had felt a little out of his depth, he had never dealt with someone who has anxiety before alongside the baggage of my ex it had become a bit too much. He didn’t know whether he was helping or making things worse, at the same time he had needs which weren’t being met so thought at least as friends he could avoid those expectations or pressurising me until I was ready. He said he felt he had been really patient and didn’t know what more he could do and me going off on him made him feel like he was not enough and I was beginning to take liberties and he didnt like that feeling. I felt really sad and guilty at this point because I know he has been and gone beyond what any other man would.

He said in the space he missed me even though at first he was annoyed, he still thought I was special. He said he wished he was a mirror so he could reflect back what he saw in me so I could finally see it. This made me cry, him uncomfortable and he just held my hand and said I’m going to make you see it somehow.

He concluded even though we kissed today he thinks friends is the best way forward for now until I’ve dealt with my issues because he doesn’t want to jump into anything serious or labels because it adds more pressure and more needs. We agreed to keep hanging out at least 1 a week and then have these heart to hearts to communicate where we are at and when we are both ready to move up. He said we are kind of in a relationship but just not label it.
I just wanted to jump in his arms and tell him I am falling in love with him and I just want to be his. But he is right there are issues I need to deal with to be the best partner to him. He deserves that. Knowing me if I move onto the next stage I may just end up blaming him as my anxiety is out of control at the moment and I don’t want that to happen. I want our intimate moment to be special after all this struggle and not tarnished by my anxiety.

He mentioned he struggles to cope with the change of me being hot one minute then aloof and cold the next and I needed to get to a place of stability. When he said that it reminded me of my ex. I felt physically sick I was now doing that to someone. Wow how past relationships impact us! He said it makes him feel toyed with, undesired and used. He said he did not appreciate me accusing him of cheating or taking advantage of his kind nature. I needed to be more aware that although he is so giving he doesn’t like being made to feel like that. I apologised again and he sensed me getting upset because I felt so bad so he gave me a hug and said it was in the past but just be aware that he may not have anxiety or issues as such but has feelings and is affected by my actions too. He said if there are times he feels overwhelmed he will tell me but I needed to respect his space without thinking the worst eg he is cheating.

He made me feel on cloud 9 during the lunch. I didn’t want it to end. I left and got back home and felt like I didn’t deserve him. I felt what have I done to get a guy who is so compassionate, loving and accepting. What does he see in me? He is hot, funny, intelligent, kind and could have anyone he wanted. Why me? Then I tried to pull myself out of the self loathing and looked in the mirror and said he chose you Genie. So be better, be the reason he wakes up in the morning and he feels I’m lucky to have this chick. Stop the self esteem issues ruining something great.

I think it’s going to be a journey but I’m fully committed to proving to this man he made the right choice in waiting. I’m fully committed to realising my happiness. The effort, patience and care he has shown me in short space is something I’m no longer going to take liberty of. I want to come on here one day and say I loved and I lost. I was broken but I rose again. I found real love when I was in a hopeless place , the kind when you are in the dark and feel unlovable but an angel pulls you out. The real love when they love you at your worst. So I can only imagine how much he will love me at my best. That’s what I’m going to work towards being the best Genie for myself and him. I’ll keep you updated and I’m sure I’ll screw up again somewhere along the line but I’m determined. I’m ready. Wish me luck.