@shelbyville I don’t mean this with any hurtful intention but you avoid very good advice on this thread. Good advice can never make you go the wrong way or damage you, it gets you to the place where you are meant to be without the extra blows or pain/damaging yourself. I have noticed advice given about blocking your ex, deleting all contact, all of the things your therapist should have insisted and guided you towards very early on instead of molly coddling you so you can finally let go, you haven’t done.

You should know by now the choices you were making were wrong. We often justify them and say it was a road we must take. No it isn’t a journey needed when someone has advised us there was a less turbulent way out, it is what keeps us in a loop of being on again and off again, a relationship which ultimately leads to a dead end and wasted time, more pain.

A committed relationship where 2 people work is one that needs the exertion you’ve put in. Not an unrequited one where none of your needs were met.

I feel you have stuck with your therapist because the therapist must give you what you want to hear rather than really challenge you. Maybe as @sammy says it’s time to stop , save money as nice as it is to have someone listen to us in the end we have to implement the change and you are equipped to do that just need to put it into action.

Other advice Michelle gave about having a balanced relationship where you give and take in general and with your new guy friend who you yourself said was an immense support etc. you don’t seem to have taken on and when I have challenged you recently after you felt let down by your friend you have ignored answering which makes me think you must have done what I did with Jay.

I’m also really really surprised after a year and half of Michelle supporting you on this thread you also avoided addressing her recent cancer scare and the one she faces right now. Both Sammy and I have addressed in our messages which you have read because you replied to our messages. She doesn’t want sympathy but surely she would have liked to hear something about it from you. I’m not being mean, just observations made and they come from a place of wanting you to be happier because your thread made us get there and I’m pointing a few things out so we can help get you to the same place as those who have moved on and learn to face the reality.

Do you find it hard to deal with constructive criticism? You need to see it as a trigger for change not a way of someone bringing you down. It is someone recognising more value in you. They see more potential in you so own it.

Honestly a balance with being kind to yourself and also hearing the truth is essential. Those who love you I bet would give the exact advice Michelle has because they want the best for you. She is right, the thing that makes you feel uncomfortable or challenges you is often the one that pushes you forward. It is the one that helps overcome and fight the insecurities and fears and leads you to a better future.

So a lot of the reason why you are not healed as much or as quick is because you’re choosing not to follow the hard truths. I actually agree with Sammy and having had therapy too very few give you that real reality check. They mostly just try to explain why you act in a certain way, they lend an ear and do draw things out slowly which is fine but risks you becoming stationary. Often making you too self aware and just question or dissect everything rather than taking things at face value. This is crap in new relationships too as you dissect it apart before it’s even begun rather than allow nature to take its course (I speak from experience)

Only you can fully take reigns of your own life. Once we have all recognised that, that is when we have let go and made better decisions and choices.

A lot of people wouldn’t say the above in fear of causing upset. I feel like I may feel guilty afterwards knowing you are sensitive but I feel you really need to hear it. If you allow it to speak to you and resonate it will be for your own happiness and benefit.

You’re not disappointing anyone. You are an amazing chick. We just want you to give the pain and hurt a middle finger and get you back to your amazing self and moving onwards and upwards

@shelbyville your thread is a safe place to seek solace. You created a great space. It’s good to hear you doing something productive and you are thinking of goals for future. Really proud of you chick for how you are handling your self isolation and moving forward. You deserve to more than most and were all waiting for the day to hear you have moved on and happier.

@doseofrealitys posts have really affected me and I feel a sense of guilt for being responsible for maybe pushing someone away with my words. Also not hearing back from @doseofreality makes me feel like he/she will never know the efforts were appreciated.

@CB so sorry for what you are going through but you are brave too and will get through it. Your son should be your main focus now he has lost a stable home and undergoing crisis and looks like he will lose his grandparents pour your energy into supporting each other rather than analysing what went wrong. I hope someone else can reply and offer some useful advice based on experience and wisdom.

Wow, so much I feel an information overload.

@sammy you’re welcome chick. I’m glad you are in a better place and more stable with your thoughts. Keep going and you will make it out. I’m glad you feel inspired just be aware if you have a down day to talk to your friend or vent on this forum we are all here for you.

@shelbyville you’re alive chick. So glad to hear from you and I hope your results are normal. I miss my family and the hugs from Jay. But keep remembering we are doing this for our loved ones and to stop the spread. Maybe we are the lucky ones, no one to throttle from being in our own company. Instead can focus on what positive things we will do after this is done with. Stay away from the news! It really got me spiralling. Thankfully this forum and Jay sorted me out. How’s things with your friend?

@Michelle again so good to hear from you! I’m glad you have found it ok to acclimatise to being back. I’m glad isolation isn’t too challenging with your partner. If anything it gives me hope when you have the right person by your side it works. I hope you stay well and healthy.

@kkasxo glad to hear you haven’t killed your partner yet hahaha and you released your emotions rather than let them consume you. Keep going.

@adelaide you’re awesome chick so don’t you ever forget that. I see few messages have been exchanged with you and @doseofreality I just want to say reading you feel so much shame made me so sad. You are a wonderful person, please do not be so harsh on yourself. You have helped me so much with your great advice. Because of you I have something to look forward to with Jay, you encouraged me to communicate and gave me pointers when i needed. So you are awesome. I will definitely be downloading that and can not wait to watch a rom com. I can’t wait for my real moment with him still giddy as a teen.

Just like I try to take on board some advice from everyone, id say try and not be completely dismissive, what I think @doseofreality is trying to say is don’t forget the goodness within you. You as I said above are so brave and good to others. You have a wonderful heart and strength.

@doseofreality is saying after this if we survive we should change our outlook and this crisis is the perfect time to evaluate how we are going to make our lives more healthier or happier mentally so we can shake of our insecurities, issues etc and live life more happy than sad. I don’t think @doseofreality it is something that should happen overnight but maybe we should start to reflect also as we have been given time. So instead of using that time thinking about our idiot exes or other issues we should plot what we will do to make life more better should we survive?

A lot of the tips mentioned I feel you are so incredible and already doing. You don’t feel the need to contact your ex anymore as you value yourself. Again this means you are moving forward to create a happier life for yourself. You already recognise the hard reality of things and what to do.

We have control. I don’t think the message was to shame and you shouldn’t feel ashamed for your feelings. Everyone feels differently but I guess @doseofreality is saying…don’t let your sad feelings control your life.

@doseofreality I think your intentions are good but your dose was a little too real and hard to swallow ? Because even though i like a reality check i thought at first what you was saying was rather a strong shock value kind of message without recognising every individual has their own complexities.Then I read your last message and I see you may be withholding your story and if that’s the case what you are doing is actually incredibly brave, nice and a reminder of the fact life is short and you are trying in your own way to reach out and encourage people to be happy because that’s the impression you want to leave behind to have helped people. Maybe if you shared your story it would resonate with more people?

I do love your analogy of our minds being infected by negative thoughts (virus) and we need to fight it. The antidote being positive thoughts and better choices.

I love you all. Xxx

@cb everyone has their own issues so you shouldn’t feel bad or compare them.to the pandemic. Xxx

@sammy how are you doing?

@adelaide and @Michelle do check in I miss you lol.

@#kkasxo hows the claustrophobia?

@shelbyville last time you were on here due a coronavirus test. Have you got your results? I do hope it was neg and you are well.

@Becca hope today is a better day for you xxx

@cb you are strong. I know on your thread anita is helping and she seems like expert. You will do your son proud!

@sammy , I know you asked @shelbyville but here’s my take oh chick in a way you’ve been through your worst day and survived. That is progress, coming off the drink and not doing anything stupid. Your emotions will be up and down for a while until you accept his decision and realise you deserve a relationship where you are loved. Why be with someone who doesn’t reciprocate it, if you did get back together you’ll hit the same block again and again and like you said what a waste of time and energy that would be. I think you should have stayed with your friend. It’s a very lonely time right now so having someone around to pull you out of the spiral you can get in is good. However you have this thread and I for one am on it daily. It’s helped me so much when I’ve been close to losing all control.

I wouldn’t make a hasty decision on throwing away stuff just to move things along, it will happen naturally. If you reached that point do it. Everyone’s different for me it took few months after the final break up which was Feb 19 to do it but I felt it was progress in letting go. Dec 19 I was very low had hated what I’d become. Jay was really my turning point and even this relationship has been a battle but a good one where I’ve grown and he brings out the best in me. If i had known I’d meet someone like him, I’d never have gone down the road of “best way to get over someone is to sleep with someone else” I feel ashamed but it’s all a lesson. This is all a journey to finding the best person for you who will love you for who you are unconditionally in return. I promise keep believing and you will find it.

@Becca from what I understand you have a partner who you are aware of is cheating on you and living a duplicitous life? GET OUT Now! You have children think of the consequences on them. Keep it cordial for the sake of your children but this relationship is toxic. This is what happens when you stay in a relationship which is one sided. Resentment sets in and the partner starts to cheat or hurt you. Hurting a person is not always physical it can be psychological. When only one person puts in the effort and the other becomes complacent or doesn’t care enough to meet you half way you’ll have a recipe for disaster. You are allowing him to treat you this way. This is not love. Please don’t sacrifice yourself and worth in this way.

I sabotaged myself today I tuned in. Then for 3 hours like a psychopath I was reading article after article try to find answers to the questions raised by the precious one. I was so upset I sobbed down the phone at my mum. She felt powerless as she could not be there for me. What struck me the most is Ive read it will be until June. I had just adjusted to two more weeks but until June I can’t be separated from everyone I love. Stupid thoughts crawled back in like what if Jay doesn’t want me anymore by then. What if I never get the chance to kiss him. I recognise these are stupid stupid thoughts but this anxiety always grips me when I read the news. He has called me but I don’t want to speak to him in this state. Then I try to remind myself in world war 2 when young children would be sent away to the countryside for months without videocall and tech we have to reach each other . When will this be all over? Anyone got any good tips for stopping the anxiety spiralling when it starts ?