Jeff,

Sorry you had to go through this. I was the one who sat stoic many years ago, and I wanted to say I am sorry one more time but I didn’t because I didn’t want him to think I was having second thoughts and make it even harder.

I myself have gone through a couple of long, very important relationships that I thought were meant for life and suddenly, there was nothing I could do to make them love me the way I loved them.

Then came the day, that I could no longer give someone what they wanted. I was hurt, I felt betrayed, and could not get over the loss of what we had had (details don’t matter) and I had to move on and ask for a divorce.

There were nights and days I cried after I left, even though I made the choice, because I knew, my decision had been the last thing that officially broke our home, (even if I felt it was broken before). However, marriage is a partnership, and being in it is a huge risk for both parties. I also knew, a home where one person is not able to feel at home and content, is not a happy home for the rest of the family, especially not the children. There are still days, almost 10 years later, that I still wish I had not needed to leave and walk away. We went through difficulty, financially and emotionally, yes, but all those gets better, they really do, and so do our feelings. Believe me, they do. We heal. I’ve healed many times.

I was called many things because he never saw me cry, but just because you don’t see others pain, may not mean they don’t feel it. In fact, people who have so much pain can’t bear watching other’s pain, especially when they are causing it, because they’ll crumble. There are two sides. It is very hard to leave too.

Despite being left, despite leaving, I have experienced and found new ways of loving, a new person who loved me but I didn’t, a new person I loved and he didn’t, and I think, maybe a good balance with one who is pushing all my buttons and helping me grow in a gentler way.

Sometimes when it all falls apart is when we realize how strong we are, and how better off we are alone and in a new place and how we didn’t even know it.

I wish you healing and better days ahead. I am sorry.

• This reply was modified 11 years ago by GCNYC.