Anita

1. I’ve a hope that she’ll reciprocate. Though I don’t expect. I’m busy self loving myself.

2. I don’t see this friends thing with me. The physical intimacy I had with her made things different. Now, getting back isn’t an option now.

3. I tried giving up but she is holding onto me. I don’t want to say her that “I want to leave” because i made a promise of staying by her side always.

What i’m doing currently is let go of romantic feelings and not chasing her like I did. I’m someone she could talk anytime to. I guess it’s one sided though for I have stopped confiding in her. I do a little just so that she is content that I haven’t left this bond.

anita

The last time we met I discussed this. I asked her did you mean what you wrote? She said “Yes” (with a confidence). I broke in tears that moment. I then mentioned “I can’t go on further, it’ll hurt me”. She was silent. Tears were flowing through her eyes. She doesn’t want to leave me (for sure).

I met her when she was all closed up. She confided in me. We became best friends. Then romantic gestures were exchanged. Then we had those little moments where we kissed and I mentioned “I love you.”. She said “She liked it”. Then one day she closed  up romantically again. Then this mail.

anita

I agree with you. The items that you mentioned confused me too. I tried to clear it from her but all she mentioned was “I have my own restraints” and  “I don’t want to jar my heart” (inspired from the song ‘Jar of hearts’)

Somehow I feel she doesn’t mean what she mentioned.  Only thing I know is if I let go of her, she’ll break. And somehow I know I can let go of her but I fear I’d be guilty of hurting a soul.

And I think I’ve promised her to not leave her when I saw her crying. Now I realize what I’ve done. Holy!

How should I proceed?

Mark,

I’ve been practising the art of being straight forward and authentic, taking it one day at a time with little thing.  It’s easier said than done.
Indian parenting doesn’t teach us this art, we prefer not hurting others by either keeping our mouth shut or playing with words.

Dear Anita,

I’ve started giving her romantic hints (like casual flirting, using different set of emoticons) and she is responding well.
I was overthinking and I will try to be at peace with myself.

How can I self accept and validate myself so that I don’t seek it outside?

Thanks

Dear GL,

I’m a noobie at expressing my desires and needs. My past conditioning led me to becoming this person who over gives and doesn’t ask for in return. I’ve been working on it and now I can ask for basic things like “i need to talk”, “I feel like… “. Somewhere I’ve this fear of being rejected and losing the bond we share and so I don’t directly express my desire of more from this bond.

Please let me know how can give her a hint I’m romantically interested in her without sounding desperate for a relationship ?

Dear Anita,

I understand what you are trying to convey. I agree with it.
How can I make my expectations minimal? The need for validation, acceptance and reciprocation from her hurts me sometimes. Yes, I ask for help and share my problems, my dark days with her and she tries her best to be in there for me. I also try to be there for her everytime she needs someone to talk to.

I also need help on how to introduce my romantic feelings for her in this bond we share.