I am sorry Matt, but whilst I fully respect these views are right for you – I am finding problems accepting them for me.
When I buried the bird, in its secret place, I dug with my bare hands. I didn’t have to do it that way, but I wanted it to hurt. But it didn’t hurt. Maybe I was too numb.
Wrapped in tissue paper it was sprinkled with my tears and I go back there everyday to tell it how sorry I am. That I kil.led it. Because I did. And there is no escape from that.
Would it have hurt some vast eternal plan if he could have lived for just a little while longer. A season maybe. What harm could a birds life have done that it had to be cut short. And why did it have to be at my hand that he died. Why could he not not have died peacefully in his sleep. What wrong did he do that he had to die so violently.
I have no wish to be argumentative with you kind people. None at all. But I do need answers.
Barbara, I just cannot do it. I lie awake, hearing the accident as it happened, racing for him on the floor, picking him up so quickly yet gently, feeling his trembling. A few seconds later he convulsed then.. he was still, and I knew. I’m really not handling this at all.
Thank You, but this is truly awful.
Gary
Your words are kind and, I know they are ‘right’. Right in the sense of being logical. But its death was no ‘small point’ to the bird, it was its everything. And its life is no less precious than anyone else’s. Unfortunately knowing what is right, sensible, just isn’t cutting it with my feelings. Yes, it’s last few seconds were held in my hands, being loved. But that really isn’t helping me much right now.
Thank You.
Gary
Thank You Helen, but I just cannot seem to balance what I know to have been the right thing to do with what I feel I did to end its life. It’s last few seconds were cradled in my loving hands, but that really isn’t helping me right now.
Bless,
Gary
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