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Ganesha87

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  • September 14, 2016 at 9:55 pm in reply to: Post-Breakup #115221
    Ganesha87
    Participant

    Desolate,

    Thank you for your “too close to bedtime” response. LOL.

    I will have to admit that you are correct. Reading your response brought some tears as I agree with everything you have said. You are right on the money.

    I know it’s time to let go and move on. I know that’s what is meant to happen after a break-up, each person leads an individual life. One without the other. I know I am only prolonging my pain and at the end I will feel the same as now or worse. I know all of this, my question is always; How? When?

    You state that some men approach with emotional openness of “I’m me, deal with it.” If it was emotional openness wouldn’t that be a pro and not a con?

    I appreciate you using some of your precious “before bedtime-time” to respond!

    PEACE & LOVE,

    Ganesha87

    September 14, 2016 at 9:36 pm in reply to: Post-Breakup #115218
    Ganesha87
    Participant

    Anita,

    No, he is no longer my boyfriend. We broke up 5 months ago, and about 1 month ago we began to reconnect and spend time together. We are still intimate and for that reason is why I choose not to date other men. I chose not to date because those are my values and because I am simply not ready to move on. I wish I was past this pain of having lost the love of my life. I am not.
    If you read my above post it will maybe help shed some more light to the whole dynamic of this relationship. About a week ago, when I made the post, I begin to question how keeping him in my life until May 2017 will impact me. I haven’t felt very satisfied with it and have felt even sad. Deeply saddened by it.
    I still can’t see him as just a friend or just an ex. I still love him dearly. I chose to continue the contact with him because I saw it as a small window of opportunity to do and say what I never did before, some extra time to make great memories that will last a lifetime. Great memories that would maybe, just maybe, wash away the bad ones from the relationship. The memories of all the fights and why we broke up. We just wanted to make new memories as “friends” by leaving out the drama and issues that came with a relationship, enjoying each others company as the unique individuals that we are. No strings attached.
    Well, maybe that was too good to be true, because we continue to have issues. As I noted, he is C-O-M-P-L-E-X.
    I feel it has brought me down and that’s what lead me to pause my personal growth and the things that were keeping me happy and well balanced.
    It is just so hard to let go because I don’t want to loose him as a friend. He is of the very few people that I am 100% myself with. He means so much to me because men and people in general like that don’t come easy. In the best ways and unfortunately in some of his bad. Is it too soon for a friendship? Am I expecting too much too soon?

    Thank you so much for your attentive response.

    PEACE & LOVE,

    Ganesha87

    September 14, 2016 at 9:14 pm in reply to: Post-Breakup #115216
    Ganesha87
    Participant

    Monklet80,

    Quit confusing isn’t it? Unfortunately, my ex boyfriend is not boyfriend/relationship material. I know that may come off as he’s just a terrible person. He’s not.He is amazing. He is however a very damaged and complex man. Complex doesn’t even begin to describe him. He had a very rough upbringing and that has now shaped who he is as a man. That is what stops us being in a “couples relationship.”
    As of now, I am really putting in a lot of thought to this “friendship”, as you are correct, it is no different than actually being in a relationship. Ours is basically a relationship with no title. We continue to have the same issues as when we were in a relationship. I would have loved to continue our relationship, I truly fell madly in love with him, but life isn’t always about happy endings and I know a true relationship with him is impossible. At one point we even went to therapy, for him as an individual and as a couple as well. It didn’t work. He knows he has issues deeper than the ocean but refuses to work on himself. Acknowledges them and at the same time ignores them. He has his self-sufficient mode ON 24/7 and there is no getting past that. It might be time for me to completely let go. I just don’t know how to. 🙁

    Thank you for taking the time to read and respond!

    PEACE & LOVE,

    Ganesha87

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