Dear Eliana,

Thank you for checking up on me. I’ve not been that well with this whole situation. I’m sorry to not follow your’s and Anita’s advice on not meeting with the girl again. We met multiple times over the past few days. Actually, some of her stuff is at my apartment and I have to be cordial with her before she leaves for another city and takes her stuff. I will be honest with you. What I’m doing is exactly what an insect does attracted to the light. I will get burned even more. But the reality is that the time we spend together feels great. I can sleep well, I eat well, I have zero anxiety, we laugh together – it is an ideal relationship with an expiry date of a few more days. It is as if a perfect storm is brewing. When she leaves for good, I will be blown into a dark place – I’m aware of it, but like a mad man, I am drawn to her for whatever time remains. I will suffer for sure. I will hit another bottom but for time-being it feels like peace. She is moving at the end of this week. I will probably see her twice or more before she leaves. I will tell you what happens next. I can’t help it. I’m sorry!

Hi Eliana,

Thank you for being in touch. Yes, it is a little better sometime and a little worse on other occasions. Anita is helping me navigate the dangerous waters. I’m grateful for this platform.

I do have these anxious times when I feel like its best for life to end right now for me, but then I lift myself up to try to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I’m taking it day by day.

g

Dear Anita,

Today wasn’t the best day. I tried to control emotions but there is something deep down bothering me everyday. I know its that my mind and body are so used to listening to her voice every single day that I find it difficult to cope with it.

Also, I’m turning 30 in a couple months. Am I too late? Will I be able to find a loving, romantic and a friendly life partner? How do I go about it?

g

Dear Anita,

If you put it that way, it sounds horrible. I mean, I can’t believe I would think it the way I did!

Thank you. I think the picture is getting clearer day by day as to why I pushed her away. I believe my gut already knew the right thing to do!

I assure you, though, that the feelings would creep up again and again and will take sometime to die away, so I will be coming back to you to get peace.

g

Dear Anita,

By “unconditionally”, I meant to say that she would call me on the evenings to see what I wanted to eat that night. She would cook for me. She would make sure if I was going through something bad, that she was with me and even took off from work various times to be with me to comfort me. But, our disagreements and conflicts happened sometimes and I was the one apologizing every single time. That was kind of given. Also made me think that perhaps I was always wrong. I still sometimes believe that.

On the other hand, I was talking to a friend about the same thing and he said that if we were actual couples that I would not apologize every single time and that I would have broken off. I only apologized because deep down I knew that I did not want anything more. Which is absolutely true. But on the same token, if I actually took it seriously, I might ended up working on it with her and making it work.

Dear Anita,

I slept much better than before last night. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a great improvement. When I woke up this morning, the whole thought of her sleeping with this other guy creeped up my head. I tried to push the thought away but it just wouldn’t go. She usually texts me every morning. Today she didn’t. I feel her drifting apart second by second. I feel alone! I feel like I need her, even though it is not right for me. I know the this back and forth feeling will remain for a while, but I think it will disappear one day. I am taking it day by day, and when she moves away physically in just a week or so, things will change. I hope they change for the better. I hope I don’t feel lost and hopeless!

Thank you Anita,

What do you think is the best way to move forward in life from where I stand? I’m 30 and don’t much like being alone anymore. Whenever I walk the streets of the city, I get sad because I am there just by myself. There is no motivation in ending the work sharply at 5 and going home because I know no one is waiting for me there. That is not to say that I want a “rebound” or “settle” but just some suggestions on how to move forward with life. I have a great job, good friends and a decent family situation. Guide me in how to live in the present moment and just be joyful. What would you do?

hmm, I like that! 🙂