John and Matt, thank you both for your perspectives on this issue. I will be taking a look at both the video and book suggestions later on this evening.

To answer the question about our sex life, in my opinion, it seems pretty average. I say this only because I don’t have any experience in this area, and my current boyfriend is my first and only sexual partner. We have sex about 2-3 times a week, and I feel satisfied with what we have. On the other hand, like Matt mentioned, he may have a stronger sex drive than I do, and it’s true. He has mentioned a few times that he’s not use to having so little sex. This is also because he’s had much more experience than I have and many more partners. I know for a fact that I’m not entirely comfortable with the act of sex itself, just because I’m still so ‘new’ to it. But I do try to be open minded about what he wants and what I can do to increase our intimacy. A lot of the time, I feel disinterested in it because of the fact that I knew he watched porn and had his “fix” hours earlier.

Regarding addiction, I’m only familiar with the basics of it. As far as the activities my boyfriend and I engage in together or individually, points to a healthy lifestyle. He’s not spending all day glued to the computer watching porn, nor is he skipping work or cancelling plans because of porn. But I can only say this because we’ve agreed that he would not watch it when I was in the house. So I don’t know what’s going on when I’m not home or if I were to be away on a trip for a few days/weeks.

Matt, you are absolutely correct that I feel his actions have something to do with me. I know I have self-esteem/confidence issues and I feel like by my boyfriend watching porn is not helping me at all. As silly as it sounds, but I can’t help but to compare myself with the girls on video. If these girls are what my boyfriend finds attractive and I don’t look anything like them, what does that say about me? Aside from just the physical attraction or physique of these girls, I know deep down he’s not trying to hurt me and he loves me a lot.

I also know that it’s crazy and ridiculous to obsess over someone else’s actions. I’ve thought about this over and over again. Why am I so hung up on something that isn’t my problem or an act I’m doing? (If it was a problem, I do want to be able to help that person. But in my case, I’m not even sure if there is a problem/addiction.) But because of my obsession with this, I’m making it a problem for myself…and I don’t know how to stop. I don’t want to be the type of person who controls other people. I know it’s not my right to tell someone else what to do.

What it also boils down to is trying to figure out why I have such as aversion to porn or why I’m uncomfortable with my sexuality. I’ve watched it few times just out of curiosity, but it never really became something I cared for, or conjure up thoughts of “oh, maybe I’ll go watch porn.” I know a lot of people agree that porn is disgusting, gross, disrespectful, humiliating, etc. but it seems like it’s the opposite for people who enjoy it. And I just can’t wrap my head around it.

If all the porn in the world were to be gone tomorrow, I would be the happiest girl alive! But that just wishful thinking. Thanks again for all the replies…I do feel a little bit better getting this off of my chest and hearing some personal experiences and responses.