Anita,

I appreciate your advice and when I was reading your reply, I was holding back tears because it will be so hard for me. Today is definitely a day where I am more depressed than hopeful.

I know you don’t know me and there is more to my story. But you are right that I need to remove all triggers that cause my depression.

My issue now is how to stop contact in the most respectful way. I do not want to ghost. I was thinking perhaps I should meet with her but I will almost certainly struggle with my words. So I was thinking I should write a letter, hand it to her to read then have her hand it back to me so I can shred it. Do you think this would be a good way to do it?

Anita,

I got depressed at the time he rejected me. You see, in the early days he was getting to know both of us separately and made me believe we could end up together. The first time I saw them together as a couple, I felt my heart breaking into two and felt sick. There was absolutely nothing I could do. I couldn’t even try to change his mind because it would hurt my friend who I love. He stopped talking to me completely and I felt I had lost my best friend.

So of course, I fell into depression and my mind starts to think of scenarios of what could’ve happened. This happens over and over and is what drove me to think very dark thoughts – I didn’t want to die but I didn’t want to live either. I know those kinds of thoughts sounds so extreme but I believe it is a chemical imbalance in my brain, stopping me from living a healthy life. For about two to three years, I went into work, saw my family and basically carried on while hiding my depression. Then it got to a stage where I sometimes travelled on the bus feeling so emotionless, I would describe it like I was a shell of a human, feeling nothing inside.  I went to counselling and it helped me get my life together somewhat. I do not have those thoughts any longer thankfully.

Two days ago however, I was feeling emotional because I thought about their future wedding and how I wouldn’t have the courage to attend. This made me incredibly sad. So nowadays, it is not about fantasizing about him and I together. It is more about how I cannot be completely fine with them being together.

Anita,

No I have never fell in love before. I’ve been in one other short term relationship and it ended because I didn’t love him. I have only ever felt so strongly when i met this guy who would become my friend’s boyfriend 🙁

Anita, I would like to think that is the case. I don’t truly know what it’s like to be in a relationship with him. That there is someone else out there. And that would help me get over him. At this point in time, I’m struggling. I have tried so many things out of my comfort zone to find someone else. Even done the opposite which is to ‘let it happen’. After 4 years, I feel like giving up.

Thanks for the replies. To answer the question why do I like him so much. I have never found anyone so easy to talk to, same sense of humour, who makes me so happy and makes me want to be a better version of myself. Sounds cheesy but I feel a connection when I look into his eyes. He once gave me a hug in front of my friend, which should have only lasted half a second but it felt like he didn’t want to let go. There was one time, he got drunk at Christmas and in a state so bad that my friend was really angry but I still felt in love with him and wanted to take care of him.

I know I would feel hurt if my friend didn’t come to my wedding so Im wondering if I should tell her after she gets engaged so that she knows I’m not being a bad friend..