I have admitted on this post that I am currently feeling some jealousy.. and i feel like i am a bad person for it but i cant ignore it when i say something to her i want to do (and this moving & travelling thing is something i crying out to do alot) then she does it. If i take a picture at my lake near my house she tries to do one step more (i am happy with my lake, well apart from the litter) and shows off her lake on her land that she never took pictures of before or mentioned. I said i want more animals but cant due to financial reasons but would love to build up a family again of many species i my household – she goes and gets a parrot, 2 dogs, kitten in a month. I appreciate everything I have dont get me wrong but sometimes you can see through people and there motives – it shouldnt be this way between us, or between anybody. last year when i went away with my boyfriend she was being moody with me and saying all i was doing was showing off and being out of order and insulting.
Maybe its an issue we need to talk about together cause weve been a little jelous with eachother and its not healthy! & it might no even be the case atall. – i could be wrong. thing is.. anything like this or you point her out on something in the kindest ways possible all hell breaks loose and she gets extremely nasty so i dont bother raising things anymore that bother me, i have to watch what i say cause over any little thing its taken out of proportion and shes the sort of person i didnt recognize again.
its a shame we cant have these experiences together… but lately seems like her and her family are more about getting drunk and saying what there bosses got them than holding a good conversation with me and my mum.
And i dont want people to think on here that im jelous cause people do everything for her. Id rather work for my dream. Plus i feel guilty over everything and would feel a terrible person to use someone – if someone does something for me, i do something back in my own way. 🙂

• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Danielle. Reason: make it clearer for readers
• This reply was modified 9 years, 4 months ago by Danielle. Reason: clearer for readers

thankyou both so much for the advice it means alot!!
I just cant help but feel so bad that im feeling this way because weve been best friends since as long as we can remember however, she sometimes tries to make it a competition. ive had this with ‘best’ friends before and it does kill the friendships. i dont want competition i just want things to be how they were – a true friendship!
Although shes having it handed to her on a plate and she gets alot of things paid for her despite the fact she has a couple of jobs.. i would rather work for it. Id feel terrible and dont want to come across as using others, plus the satisfaction would be alot more self fulfilling. But the amount of times i get alot of hassle when everyone says im copying and trying to be like them and it ruins me mentally when im targeted (something i am working on). i dont feel i need to prove to the world im a good person, i just do my thing for me and not for show and approval for others.
she does have a good heart deep down, i know she does, but she is changing.. and i think im holding on cause i do hold onto memories and the past too much – im a really sensitive person. (i have Hypersensitivity disorder & bipolar II)
I wish i could just up and go, be spontaneous like i used to be and just reach for the stars… just up and go.. and return ‘home’.
Thanks again guys – the advice was great 🙂