@anita,

I cannot thank you enough for the help you’ve given me. You are a wonderful human being. 🙂

@anita,

Oddly enough, when I start to feel so down about it, I just want to hug my boyfriend tight. Even the thought of having that physical contact with him already feels a bit calming to me. I will start doing that if/when I start to feel uncomfortable and upset.

I do think I should share the story about the nanny with him because it would help him better understand why I feel the way I do.

@anita,

I want to live where if fear comes, I am able to just watch it without letting it affect me.

My fear is being left alone or replaced…

@anita,

You hit the nail on the head. I have known for a while that I’ve been dealing with something pre-existing, but I just didn’t give it much more thought and instead, focused on my strong resentment on the situation.

When I was around 9 or 10, we had a nanny who took care of me and my younger brother. I was insecure about her because I thought she was taking away my mom from me. I was so jealous of their relationship because my mom was paying more attention to the nanny than me, and it felt as if she was wishing for her to be the daughter instead. Of course, that’s not the case, but it seemed as if I was unknowingly placed in a competition for my mom’s attention and love. Yeah… I was a weird kid.

When I dated my ex-boyfriend before, I was uncomfortable about his friendship with a mutual friend of ours because I thought he liked her too – a “gut” feeling. The way I dealt with it was wrong; I didn’t communicate it to him at all nor did I ask for advice from anyone, so I kept everything to myself. I would spend almost everyday crying because here I was clinging on to something that was poisonous to my mental health. Over time, I got over it and I thought I had dealt with it, but really, I didn’t because I just suppressed the feeling. However, in the end, the “gut” feeling wasn’t real.

I am scared of being left behind… I don’t want to unintentionally push away something, or rather, someone, because of anxiety. I love my boyfriend very dearly and I want to give him everything I can without stressing him with the anxiety I have.

@anita,

I hope so. The way he treats me is still ever as loving, if not, even more. I just don’t want to become controlling towards him, in terms of this situation, which is one of things I’m avoiding to be. However, I have become paranoid to the point where I would overthink everything he does. I trust him, but I ask myself, “Do I really trust him?” It’s exhausting being anxious.

Fear definitely weakens me. I’ve been trying to ingrain The Litany Against Fear in my life. It’s a slow process, but it’s happening. I will check that book out! How have you been with your anxiety now?

@anita,

Out of all the people I’ve consulted about this situation, you’ve been the one who made things more clear and reasonable for me, so thank you for taking the time to respond to me.

You’re completely right about aiming for the long run and just focusing on him, instead of the friend. The issue has come up between me and my boyfriend numerous times for the past 6 months, and sometime last week was when I actually felt exhausted with the whole ordeal. I didn’t want to expend so much energy on the situation anymore. However, there are times when it randomly pops up in my head and I feel like I’m back to square one again. I don’t ask him for reassurance because he self-willingly gives it to me which I appreciate a lot, so I have conditioned myself to not ask for it at all.

I’ve heard of “emotional reasoning.” I will definitely look into that. Yes, I do suffer from anxiety… Weirdly enough, it only heightened because of this situation with my boyfriend and his friend. 🙁