@cat,

I hope you had a great weekend!

Has your co-worker been stuck-up and snobby to the managers, as well? I find it odd that they don’t find her attitude as bullying. However, I do hope your plans run smoothly! In the 5 years you’ve been at your job, I’m pretty sure you’ve learned a lot along the way, even learning how to endure and be patient with your co-worker. I’m excited for the next chapter in your life! 🙂

Haha, I think I came up with Barbz’ name because of Barbie. I called her out last month on her attitude because she was negatively commenting on my physical look. Let me tell you how it went…

I grabbed one – a singular piece of round chocolate with a diameter of no more than half an inch – Lindt chocolate from our office snack bar, then she said, “Are you sure you want to eat that? Your face will go… *proceeds to make hand motions of my face expanding*” My face went red out of disbelief, but I calmly told her, “You don’t say that to people. It’s impolite to point out people’s flaws in public. Even my friends and I don’t talk to each other like that.” Her defense was, “Oh, but I tell our boss she’s getting fatter and she’s okay with it.” I said, “People react differently; some are more sensitive than others. I still think it’s rude to say things like that.”

I put back the chocolate in the snack bar. I signed up for the gym a few days after that incident. I’ve been going to the gym 3 to 4 times a week for more than a month now. I’ve completely stopped talking to her; I don’t look her way, I don’t go out of my way to make her feel left out like what she does to me, I don’t associate myself with the kind of person she is. So far, it has become slightly better for me, but I’m still upset that I let this happen to myself for almost a year.

Hi, @Cat!

I can’t believe people with this kind of personality have no sense of empathy! I’m sorry to hear about how your co-worker’s treating you. Let us know how her demeanor is when you go back to work in March.

I didn’t think bullying would exist in a work place full of – what’s supposed to be – mature people. It’s unfortunate that bullying isn’t dealt with properly, seeing as how it probably exists in a lot of work places. My patience has been wearing thin with Barbz and I’m afraid I will lash out at her at any given moment. It’s easier to imagine confronting her in my head, but when it comes to real life, I’m worried I might say something simple that will be taken out of context.

My conclusion is your co-worker and Barbz will definitely get along together… yikes. 🙁

anita,

How do I approach with setting the limit without seeming like I might be controlling his actions? :/

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Eliana,

I’ve tried talking to him about it, but his response is usually, “What do you mean? I always ask you how your day is.” When does ask about my day, it just eventually shifts to something else he wants to talk about.

Hi, Eliana!

We’re not in a long-distance relationship. We usually see each other twice a week. In person, we would sometimes argue in person, as well… :/

@anita,

Not making it a single-life issue is true. I should be focusing on improving other aspects about myself, while having a growing relationship with my boyfriend and helping him out, as well.

This may be a question I should be answering myself, but I will you ask you too (and anyone else who is reading is). How should I treat the female friend? Due to me feeling uncomfortable when she’s around, should I continue talking to her like I usually do or keep her at an arm’s length for now until the feeling dies down?

Hi, all! My apologies for the late response.

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@Dee,

You’re right; I should stop analyzing so much about why she makes me feel uncomfortable and just accept it. I’ve been trying to figure out why for the longest time as to why I feel that way towards her and until now, there’s no definite answer. Maybe it’s about her or most likely about the pre-existing situation I’ve talked about with @anita before.

They haven’t talked or hung out in a while which – as bad as it sounds – makes me feel relieved. When I talk to her or hang out with her, I feel completely fine and actually vibe with her. However, when she and my boyfriend are in the same setting, it changes my mood in a second and my trust for her goes away. It’s a funny thing the way the mind works.

My boyfriend has been the most understanding about this situation. All he has shown me are love and patience, and has constantly reminded me that there is nothing to worry about. I trust him and he hasn’t given me any reason not to… except maybe from what I mentioned before. There are a lot of things I have to let go of… Sigh.

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@anita,

The nanny story has been in the back of my mind ever since. I’ve mentioned it to him again and he understands where I’m coming from because he has similar feelings from his childhood. Every time I start getting anxious regarding him and the female friend, I visualize the story of the nanny and I start to have a less clouded mind. It just gets exhausting… I’ve developed a habit of ruminating over the situation as if there’s no tomorrow.

I’m hoping there’s another way to resolve the pre-existing feelings… 🙁

I am coming back here to ask for more advice.

Since the time I posted here, I noticed that I’ve harboured a lot of “resentment” for this female friend of his (I’m putting the word in quotation marks because the word is a bit too strong, but I can’t think of a more mellow one right now).

In almost two months, every time she comes up in a conversation – especially when it’s coming from my boyfriend – I suddenly feel this “resentment” rising up within me. I express my dislike right away more often than I would not like to, then after pausing and breathing, I feel immediately bad for what I feel towards her. I don’t understand why I’m insecure of her when I’m in a good relationship with my boyfriend. Somehow, I still feel threatened, even though she hasn’t really done anything suspicious to me or my boyfriend – at least, not that I know of.

Just yesterday, my boyfriend posted an Instagram picture about Father’s Day and she commented with a heart. I felt my heart beating fast right away and texted my boyfriend that I felt uncomfortable. He reassured me that it’s harmless and that no one else can take him away from me. He’s very understanding about this situation, but I don’t want to push his patience to its limits. I only let him know what I felt because I’d rather be honest to him than to bottle this feeling up and explode later on.

I’m becoming silly and ridiculous… I even bought a Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for Dummies because the anxiety is getting out of hand at times.

Any thoughts? 🙁