I don’t really know what you mean by monster, what do you mean?

Sorry I forgot to answer this!

What I mean is… I believe I am a very toxic person.

Since I can remember, I have always had overthinking issues. I was always getting into some drama even when I was a little kid – with my family, friends, etc. I wouldn’t let things go.

When I was in college I spent the majority of the time being around my ex-boyfriend. He was very patient and tolerant towards me so we barely had any issues there (well my behavior was still problematic but I was blind to it)… when I started working, I had to face many different people. I started having problems with some, problems which were mostly in my head. And out of habit I’d always run to my ex-boyfriend to rant and get advice from him. I failed to realise that it has gotten worse and worse… in time it was draining him so much that it was exhausting. I was so caught up in all these silly little problems of mine that I also neglected him most of the time, about things that he might be interested in sharing to me for a change.

I know, I am that person. This breakup is actually good for me as it serves as trigger for change and become a better person… my ex-boyfriend truly deserves better though I still cannot help but grief at the loss of him.

Hi anita, thank you for the well wishes.

No, I don’t want to be this monster that I’ve turned into of course. I am taking steps to change myself… I went into therapy, am learning how to stop negative thinking. I’m no longer focusing on silly little things people do or say to me, but on my work… I’m also trying to help out other people and listen to their problems (really helps you to distract your mind off of the breakup) and also spending more time with my family, which is something I’ve neglected to do since I had moved out.

By wanting to accept, I mean I just want to accept the breakup peacefully…. currently I’m fighting so hard to be happy for him, that he stood up for himself and he gets a chance to really find someone better for him… but I also can’t shake off feeling of hurt, sometimes bitterness and sadness whenever friends come and tell me that he seems to have moved on or started seeing new people. I don’t want to be possessive. I want to let him go and be happy.

Maybe I just need time to cope with the grief. Maybe in time I can truly be happy for him with no hard feelings.