@anita I felt bad because this is not something I’m used to doing or thought I’d ever have to do because it is just not me…I valued her so much,I think it’s that I’ve been so afraid of change,especially with feeling lonely and this huge transition in my life trying to find meaning and with it myself…its not in my nature to hurt other people,and as much as I have tried I have realized that I cannot change my personality,I just keep going even though I know that pain and heartache is inevitable…
I have since let go even though it still hurts but I believe I will get over it as soon as I stop question why she would do such to me!
About the other thread on giving up and worrying,it’s all about my life and career path which have both been created by my depression!i worry that I’m getting older and I’m almost 30 but have nothing to show for it!At the same time I’m afraid of going through with my dreams even though they are all I think about after my family now that I have lost so many friends…
I’m an extrovert and have always been,I had the perfect childhood even though we didn’t have much,it’s the growing pains that have had me this way,I often joke with myself that I’m done with my mid life crisis enough for two life times…