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FayeParticipantHigh five for social media outage! I’ve been off Facebook for about 3 years and its great. Yes I do miss the social interaction sometimes, but it’s great to focus on my own world, no one else’s. Comparing yourself to others is a big cause of unhappiness and I think.
I’ve been working towards a professional qualification, and volunteering to build my self esteem. My next step is to get back into a sports team (I quit a few years ago due to anxiety & depression).
I suppose loneliness is part of the cycle of life, it will continually come and go but it’s knowing that those feelings won’t last forever, maybe this is the key to coping rather than aiming for an unachievable goal of never feeling lonely again.
Getting a bit deep here sorry!
FayeParticipantHi little poppy, thanks for the post!
It’s incredibly brave to admit loneliness, and even more so to see it as a positive.
I think loneliness is a state of mind and nothing external can change it, this is both a positive and negative! Like you, I tried to distract myself with unhealthy relationships and constantly ask what was wrong with me when they didn’t have time for me or gave me the affection I crave. I’m now realising those feelings are because other people can’t relieve the pain of loneliness, and nor should they, it’s our responsibility to own our feelings.
May I ask what are you doing to rediscover who you really are? And to find your own identity again?
October 21, 2016 at 1:05 pm in reply to: Improving self esteem weakens your attachments and improves your contentment #118650FayeParticipantI’ve reached a similar conclusion to my way of approaching relationships, but I think I may have gone too far! I love going on holiday by myself, going to music gigs and doing sports. I have so much freedom to do whatever I want. But I have great friends and a beautiful girlfriend, but I either forget to invite other people or I don’t want to in case they flake out or ruin it. When working on accepting loneliness I never thought I’d have to also work on accepting company! It’s a tricky balance.
September 12, 2016 at 11:32 am in reply to: An aburpt end to an ambiguous same-sex relationship #115021FayeParticipantHi Charlotte
Well done for posting such a open message. Luckily you’ve found a forum that will be supportive and will have your best interests in mind.
I’m in my late 20s and have spent the last 10 years trying to understand the world of lesbian relationships, unfortunately there’s no 2 relationships the same! But I can share some of my experiences with you, and can mirror some of the issues you are currently facing.
Unfortunately it sounds like Y is not ready to fully commit to a gay relationship, and would like to experience being with a man before she can understand her own sexuality. Media perceives sexuality very black and white, and you will hear people say “I always knew I was gay” etc. But from my experience its not so simple. I had a 4 year relationship with a man before coming to terms with being gay.
I have been in a similar situation as you, and I think you should give yourself some time to understand what you want. If you want her to be your girlfriend, then you should talk to her, if she rejects you then you can start the process of moving on. Perhaps the reason you probably haven’t confronted her directly about this is because you’re scared of loosing her.
You are obviously a very caring and understanding person, but you may be denying yourself your own happiness in order to compensate for her uncertainties.
Always remember, whatever happens, be safe in the knowledge that you will always be ok. This should give you the strength to act in a way that nurtures your own soul, rather than being a people pleaser or your kindness being taken advantage of.
Good luck, and I hope you manage to reach peace and understanding in your mind.
Felix
FayeParticipantHey lozzer
I’ve lived through anxiety and depression most of my life, and the one insight into my experience is that it doesn’t matter what triggers you, or what upbringing you had, unfortunately it is a mental illness that doesn’t have to have any logic whatsoever!
For me this is the scary part, it can happen at anytime and to anyone.
However that is also the saving grace! It will disappear as quickly as it arrived. You just have to focus on getting through the here and now.
There is absolutely no shame in not being your happy self. No one can be 100% of the time, your down times are just as true to who you are as the good times. So take the pressure off, be stressed and anxious if you need to be, and I guarantee if you give yourself that level of acceptance then you will feel so much better.
FayeParticipantHi everyone
Thank you for your input. It is really interesting to think about, but extremely difficult in practice! The idea of invest and test is a good bit of advice for being in a fair relationship.
I suppose it is about enjoying what is right in front of you at the time, and worrying about attachment is actually the fear of loosing it, which is in turn worrying about the future which isn’t always healthy.
I’m still young and learning! But I’m sure these ideas will become clearer to practice in time.
Thanks again everyone, you’re all awesome!
Faye
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Though I run this site, it is not mine. It's ours. It's not about me. It's about us. Your stories and your wisdom are just as meaningful as mine. 