Dear Anita

Thank you for understanding

It will be a pleasure for me to agree with you at any time that I agree with you, and there’s been lots of pleasure so far! aaww that is  so precious , thank you , that was a pleasure to me to agree with you too , im not just saying that , many many times im impressed by your ability to analyze the situation .

Yes, only she (the mother) exists. There is no one else in the whole wide world but her, a victimized deity. She (the mother-deity) was born to have a superior, majestic life fitting her deity-ness, but alas: she received the short end of the stick… poor unacknowledged and mistreated deity. this reminds me a particular mother an infamous one called diane dawnes who killed her children because she wanted to be with another guy who didnt want kids , only one survived out of 3 , who became paralyzed , again when police arrested her in suspicion of murder she got pregnant to get sympathy and elongate the period before trial , you can watch the documentaries about her in youtube , i cant find a better example of abusing children for benefits of the mother.

“I ate (the soup) for you too, lol“- you must have left some in your plate because I am smelling and tasting it right now… delicious! lol , unlike me you have a very good sense of smell

This step mother is like a teenager, 13, or 14, and an immature one, Stuck in a development age with a passive-aggressive, sneaky, gossipy, competitive and unintelligent personality, never to break free from it. I imagined for a moment being in your shoes, and this.. (not a lady) Lady Tremaine living with me, it wouldn’t have ended well, not for me and not for her… it’d be nightmare.speaking of unintelligent , oh my god , that`s the worse part , i mean if you add stupidity to all her unpleasant traits , it would be unbearable . there is an old saying in persian which is in my opinion very brilliant and i quote A wise enemy is better than an stupid friend, at least i could respect the first one .  another of her very good qualities were enjoying her sweet times when she made a chias , it was natural like breathing to her , i bet she misses this part alot .

stevia/ monk fruit sugar (noncaloric natural sweeteners.. i `ve never heard of it , i searched a little bit about that , and it turned out it grows naturally around north of Iran , where i live, but i should search more

congrats to your 20 kilo loss too , thats hard thing to do .I prefer way fewer choices because it’s easier to choose when you have fewer choices, and I don’t want to try e.x., all the many flavors of ice-cream and the many desserts.. too many calories and I don’t burn that many! there is some thing called sugar addiction and its as powerful as cocaine addiction . nobody can burn that many . about the time i decided to lose weight i was paying attention to prices much more and i realized usually the price for flavored full of sugar or salt is much lower for healthy alternative snacks in first look obviously of you buy the ingredients and cook it multiple times then that would be cheaper  plus its ready , but you should prepare most of healthy food , the price for soda and industrial fruit juice is depressingly low and its available , there is a conspiracy against people held by food industries

far

dear Anita

it`s always refreshing to see your posts , specially when you agree with me , lol .

no, i mean when you say screw these people

 never-ever-never-ever lol anything about her not feeling well. Instead of lol-s, there would be lots of woe-is-me, oh-how-terrible-is-my-life, poor me.. crying, wailing, complaining, accusing thats not surprising for me at all my mom was basically looking forward for opportunity to play a victim and she enjoyed that and she was obviosly thinking herself as better and more important that us , for example if i said something that scared me to death and made me so stresssed ,like a near accident  I would die immediately  i wouldnt survive that  , as if it didnt matter if that happened to me or any other person and also its an excuse for them to be even nastier ,  and they can guilt trip you if you get upset.

 I like the more stuff in a soup! that was delicious , i ate for you too , lol ,

I will borrow your expression earlier in your post (with a change of pronoun) because it is very fitting here: she is an a%% hole, screw her!  (Or maybe better say: she is an a%% hole, don’t let her screw you any more than she already did!) i totally agree with this paragraph and the next one you wrote in last post , she definitely misses her power , she doesnt know how she can reach me , when she married to my dad , from the beginning i believe she had a plan in her mind to make my life miserable , like cinderella's step mom , i guess , lol . but she was and still is so sneaky , she tried to cut my dad from me , then she tried to sabotage my education and my mental health , she does it by being passive agressive and do what ever that she knows she would piss me off , crazy making sneaky stuff ,  it was obvious that she wanted me as underdog who gets all the s^^^. screw her . i can imagine what she would say if she had a relationship with me or lives with me , in her dream of course, she would brag about her money which im not sure thats even there because ive never seen a rich person who says he is rich , she would brag about her brothers who live in us , about the car she is driving which was my dads , so its really  not hers and should be splitted after we sale it  and she would have no boundaries and invade every inch of my space and do all crazy making stuff .  in general she would brag about stuff she didnt actually achieve herself and frankly so petty . i dont mind about her bragging  but i do mind about the satisfaction she gets from it . so again screw her , let her say anythings she wants to say to drag me down in her eyes , nothing would change and she doesnt have the power anymore , and screw everyone who believes her , i dont need them 

 I used to buy a dozen after 12 pm (half price) and eat them all. Eventually, the magic of the donut was lost.

I hope that you continue to recover this weekend! By the way, do you like donuts? unfortunately yes , you know i have a problem with food i tend to eat emotionally , i gained 12 kilos after a hellish summer in Iran , when i had serious problems with my dad and his wife , i couldnt get rid of my extra kilos for years ,until 2 years ago , im still dieting because if i let myself go  , i would gain weight immediately , i only eat sweets once a week and other days i eat dark chocolate   , but i love them , not particularly donut , all the sweets , actually i remember another fights with my dad , i cut contact with him for one year and when he saw me he said oohh you didnt get any more weight , he liked the effect he had on me i guess , screw him too , i admit i have the tendency to think he wasnt in fault and his wife would make the  life  hell , but he enjoyed it , he definitely did .

i hope you enjoyed the thanksgiving though i believe it was 2 weeks ago?and i don`t think any one of childhood snacks which exist to these days , have the same taste maybe because they are industrially produced ?or there are too many shape and taste to choose from all the time ?

hope to hear from you soon

far

dear Anita

i think even the city is more silent when its snowing , i dont know why , maybe snow the shield against noise ? i have no idea

honestly i dont feel good right now , my thighs are sore because i did work out yesterday and it was hard and i think im catching a cold , i`m so drowsy .

 for a young child, there is no solid self vs mother. Instead, there is a nothingness of sorts, as far as content goes, a blank page (self) that is facing a mirror (mother). Whatever the mother expresses is written into the blank page. So, if the mother expresses hate toward the child, the child’s blank page has this written on it, in bold, black print: I am hateful, I am deserving of hate (others’ and my own)! how you can have an image when you are so small , you need your parents guidance and approval to feel safe , i`m so sorry for both of us , that was message , we are not worthy of love and worthy of hate .

“based on standards of society, mothers are always right“- this standard of society (that mothers are always right) are based on the early societal need to maintain order in the home (for mothers to be effective in the disciplining of their children), so that the men will be free to go outside and do what needs to be done to maintain the home (hunt, fish, grow crops, chop wood, fight an occasional enemy, etc.). as always im impressed by your analysis , you are exactly right ,in absence of a man , the woman should be feared , apparently only when man is not present . im a strong believer that anybody needs someone to check on him/her in any age , im not saying in controlling or demeaning ways , but its in the nature of human human beings to do nasty stuff when they think there are no  consequences , usually in dysfunctional families  there is no boundaries and the parents can come and go and say whatever they want and change their opinions whenever they wanted and choose whatever benefits their purpose in that particular  time , they can insult you , gaslight you and projecting their own insecurities on you , they do it because of many reasons including they think you are their properties and second one in my opinion they think there is no consequence for their behavior know that I am not right, but what are you going to do about it? You can’t go anywhere! she was cornering you as my dad did if someone was here to protect us , they wouldn`t dare to do it , did they ? 

regarding your last 2 paragraphs , first im so sorry for your experience , i can feel you and relate to you , its so heartbreaking to be and to do everything for someone and seeing them to devalue it and abuse our needs . i repeated that pattern over and over in my life , i idolize someone when they only think of me as doormat . but dont you think that also relates to the fact that we are their properties , we have nwhere to go and there is no one to protect us AND we were so needy of their kindness and so desparate to see their good side that we would forgive them instantly AND THEY KNEW IT . they knew they could do whatever they want with us but not with others . the others were people , WE werent .

far

dear Anita

sorry for not replying soon

yes i had a presentation to day , that was ok , i need to correct some parts , the main reason to not replying was awful net connection , it showers  rain here , usually the net would slow down a lot . but its nice , i like the sound of rain , actually my city is famous of being rainy , its called city of rain but this fall we didn`t have a lot of rain .

of course I understand it. How rude it would be of me if I insisted on talking about topics that made you feel depressed and helpless!  I mean, it is minimal courtesy (and minimal love) to not knowingly cause or increase a person’s helplessness and depression! And yet, our parents did not bother with this MINIMAL courtesy, and minimal love. thank you so much , your reply warmed my heart , xo xo .i `m glad i can be honest to you and i appreciate your understanding .

actually i was thinking about good topics we can talk about , what do you think about telling our stories  of  successes  you had after the therapy and all works you have done to overcome your childhood experiences ?i don`t think that happens in one night but i mean the similar situations that happened to you but you reacted better than before and you realized you are no longer as affected by traumas you had endured in childhood ? you once told me about the moment you realized your mom is enjoying hurting you . do you have a similar experiences ?

farnaz

dear Anita

were you watching football match ?france vs argentina ?haha , streets were empty here , just women were doing some glocery shopping .

most of what you listed here (3-5: the value of money, cost of living, home ownership) is happening all over the world for regular people (people not in the position of privilege and power), but in some countries more than in other countries. i agree , but i doubt they have such an increase in prices in a very short time AND a lot of them have more freedom than ours

It is a shame that there is no way to make it happen… they are some people who actually benefit from the regime and there are people who cant risk losing more , i dont think im in position to judge people who are not protesting , because i myself am a pessimist in this matter , nothing got better from political point of you during my life time , the new president was always worse than the last , with one exception . but in last 10 years , the economy in iran went down to hell  , the cost of living increase 20 times more expensive . i sincerely hope like anyone that someone would change , im not hopeful though.

farnaz

dear Anita

I read your reply , im glad i made you smile , im kinda stressed about an appointment tomorrow , i`m gonna reply to you arround noon in my time

take care

far

dear Anita

you  should fix that computer asap , i cant imagine how its held together by clips , i know it`s very frustrating to work technology when they are acting out , you prefer to go to old times .

heartless reference was actually funny , i`ve never thought of it that way , i kinda enjoy sarcastic comments .

– when a man uses a woman as a sexual object, he discards the object when he is done with it… much like the discarding of a paper plate after eating from it. If he has options (a stack of new paper plates), he wants the next meal on a new plate. women for men like him are for ego boost and feeling ok about themselves temporally and i believe when they discard women in very bad way is more satisfying than just ghosting or however a decent human does when they want to leave someone behind , im not saying ghosting is fine but in my opinion is much better that what this guy did in the condition i was . im sure he could  be even more brutal  and he would enjoy it more but he knew i would kick his a$$,  litterally , lol . after all i believe he expected me to come back and beg him to have sex with me . he was that delusional .

that’s what I thought when I first read the story: I was impressed by your strength and spunk thank you very much Anita , but i regret i didn`t see his face  in that moment , lol

he cared about his patients only because the upper year resident or a senior doctor was supervising overwise not so much , i had a feeling he was numbing himself to not feel pain and i saw this kind of cope mechanisms in my stepmom too .

 she expresses her anger at others, then feeling temporarily relieved of her anger, she is ready to resume the relationship on good terms.. until the next time when her jealousy and anger build up. im impressed by your ability to see through her , i dont remeber to describe her jealous , maybe i did , but its interesting you mentioned that . i thing the most jealous person ive ever met was her , she was pathologically jealous , even in smallest thing like buying a hair clip or painting her fingers in exact color that i did , i couldnt believe it first and i was telling myself im imagining it but she was so obvious and that was so annoying as you can imagine , unfortunately because alot of people couldnt believe it , i was accused of making up stuff just because she was my step mom . i saw alot of weird stuff about her , she is a retired teacher and she was friends with a former student , apart from age gap they had and i was wondering what they have in common ?the student had a very aggressive way about her and the weirdest thing was they talked no stop by phone i mean maybe at least 10 minutes each hour , doesnt it look strange ? people usually dont talk even with their parents or siblings during the day . my step mom was nice to my face but once i overheard a conversation she had with this girl about me , it was the sickest thing ive ever heard , they were twisting every word i said and turned it to something that only sick people could think of plus mocking me .  that was it for me , in that moment i was enlightened , i realized i shouldn`t talk to her about anything important to me , not that i was talking secret to her but i realized she gives very bad meaning in trivial stuff i say , it was disgusting

 it is possible when they use their money to hurt more people. i dont know about heartless heart doctor , but my step mom definitely used it to hurt me , she believes she has a lot of money and im poor , i think that makes her feel good about herself , i don`t care about her having money , she is projecting her own insecurities on me, she bragged a lot about her money and she thinks that makes me feel bad , so pathetic .

a good man/ good people use their power (popularity and fame, in this case) to help and benefit others. I sure hope that Amir Nasr Azadani is or will be okay soon! i certainly hope so , i hope they don`t use him as an example to silent others , your last paragraph is true but again alot more people would be killed and it would be a tragedy for their family if nothing changes after all .

dear Anita

Reading your last message made me smile for the first time in a few days (as far as I remember now). It makes me feel good to think of you as my friend. im so glad to hear that , your note made me smile too . honestly it was my first time to join a forum regarding my experiences and i wasnt  so hopeful that i could find someone who understands me like you , i always enjoy your comments and it makes me feel good to think of you as my friend too , xoxo

unfortunately , technology let me down today , i wrote a reply at 10 o clock am and now  i was checking again to see your reply  , i found out the one i wrote wasnt sent . i also tried to install some programs in my laptop, again with no success. any way im gonna write it again .

first the heart doctor guy whom you called heartless heart doctor , lol . very well put , i agree with you, he was so tired and overwhelmed with problems to care about anything but his own benefits . i dont condemn it though , i think his mindset of playing victim and thinking the world owe them an easy pass wont work at all . he reminds me of my stepmother , she also had a hard life and had this mentality about people who didn`t as bad people who owe her , the generosity , forgiveness and time . she does lots of unforgivable things  to people she knows , the one who had been nice and generous to her and expect them to forgive her after she screw them over . she also ONLY think about herself and considers others specially other women as subhuman .

returning to the guy , yes it was a very unfortunate experience with a very bad person at a very bad time . but im glad i wasnt that broken to put up with his demands , after chatting with him i realized he is not the person who i would respect or i would care to lose . im sure he would discard me in much worse way if he got what he wanted and about money and having no character ,well i dont think having money help this kind of people to be better , it usually makes them worse . if thats even possible . im just feel sorry for his patients .

about amir nasr azadani , unfortunately , i cant say if it is his end or not , i certainly hope not . In Iran these days the big football players are very active in encouraging people to protest and they are successful because young population look up to them , i think maybe the regime is trying to scare them by putting Amir in prison and threatening to execute him or they maybe actually execute him to make an example of him so the others wouldnt talk against the government , nothing is impossible in my country with current government .

farnaz