Hi Dreaming75,

There is nothing more attractive or beautiful than to see another person living in the now! This shows a culmination of things, and it is truely unique to just that person, in that moment.

To be in the now means to not be living in your head. Not to be caught up in thoughts like “Am I good enough?” or “Oh no… here we go again!” Not to be concerned of the judgement of those around you, and be comfortable with who you are.

Who are you? You can be two people…… You can be your mind, with everything you have learnt, read, researched, and all that thinking, judging, manipulating, concerning, and of course self criticising.

Or you can simply stop focusing on your thoughts, and just feel the moment. Feel what ‘is’ within you, feel the joy, feel the life surging through you, feel the freedom of your expression in this world. In doing this, you become your authentic you!

Once you are practised at this, then take note of how people react to you. Do they just share themselves, or try to shape and change you? Are they open, or retreating? Simply observe, then return to how you feel. Heaven or Hell is right where you stand. You can those which one you are in!

Lastly… do not look for something. Just Be! By looking you have already filtered so many options, because that choosing to look references your past. Just see…. just be….

The person you attract then, will be someone who is part of your journey, as you are ‘be-ing’ together.

That to me sounds like a lovely date! 🙂

Best

Evan

Hi Kirk,

I feel for you! Through your words, there is a clear situation here that is unfortunate to read. This is a painful place to be in!

Living in the relationship, and being invested so deeply has its rewards, and tends to come with blinkers, unless you are very self aware throughout the relationship. It is difficult to see many things, and once children are a part of the picture, the tendency to overlook traits becomes even greater. So much more leniency involved for the sake of your child.

I will focus this on part of your original comment. Symbolism!

Peoples lives (living situation), are a reflection of their mind. To be around someone for a length of time daily, allows an insight into their thoughts and feelings. As you get used to the living situation, you forget that its a reflection of their mind, as it becomes ‘normal’. As an example, a messy car usually means a messy home, and a messy mind.

The wedding ring:- A symbol of the relationship, and the commitment to it. This says a truck load of things…. Note though, if you have chosen to wear yours still, or agreed not to whilst farming etc….. If it is agreed, then the action is understandable. Taking a ring off without discussing it, losing it without batting eye, and not wanting to replace it, is a clear indication the commitment to the relationship is over. Is this resolvable…. yes…. as long as both people want to! Where did she lose the ring? Whilst at work or home?

Contribution:- A relationship is sharing…. sharing of time, space, love etc… Relationship = How you relate to something/someone. The symbolism of taking care of your inner word, which shows in your outer world. I understand there are two sides of the story, but I also see a clear situation here. How you relate to your life/lifestyle reveals how you relate to yourself. You work hard on the outside, and also on the inside. I see a resistance in your wife to do anything unless she has no choice. How would she be without your self discipline being shared everyday, and your demonstration of hard work within and in the outside world…. Is she a good Mom when you are not there? Is her work that important to her? If so, why not be motivated to get her licence herself, and drive herself? How would she live having to run a whole house by herself? Is she committed to herself and her evolution as a being?

The above is more about you gaining a different perspective. Look at the symbolisms, to see through your emotions, and engrained habits, and previous accepted traits. Symbolisms take the blinkers off what we choose to see, and allow us to see what actually is.

Also note…. there are two people demonstrating in your house, and your Son is learning from both. He has his own journey to travel, and you can not take his steps for him. However you can guide his feet whilst young, to allow him to experience a sure footing before the next step.

Best

Evan

Hi SmallPieceOfLife,

Tough spot! No doubting that. Summarising my own thoughts, and some comments above…….

You left for a reason….
Why leave? If watching porn is not ok, and he will not change, then you have followed your heart. Or have you? Is him deriving sexual gratification from others a negative? How do you feel about porn yourself? Did you leave out of anger, or a value within yourself?

Why watch porn…
You are in a relationship. If porn is a part of that, and you can both derive something out of it, then the porn in not harmful. If only one person enjoys the gratification, then that gratification is formed outside the relationship, and is not healthy.

Why Return…
No doubt walking away is extremely tough, and as you said, he is there for you when you need it. That sounds like a great friend! A partner must be true to himself, but also acknowledge your feelings. I would allow him to choose between the two, but if porn is part of who he is, and not a part of you, then put that energy and momentum of the relationship into building a friendship, and allow yourself to be true to who you are.

What do you want for yourself…
You are with yourself to the very end……. Relationships come and go. The only true relationship that requires your utmost attention is the one you are having with yourself. If that is not a healthy one, then you can not expect the external relationships to be healthy either.

I hope this helps 🙂

Best

Evan

Hey Harry,

Great question! Who does that?……

Answer…. many people! This is the simple truth.

Question for you – What will you accept? If you live true to you heart, then this is not an issue. Yes, there will be a break up, and you will hurt. Yes there will be doubt over what you did. Was this an impulsive decision, and have you ruined a chance at a great relationship? Answer is yes…..

What matters is whether you are living your life, according to you principles, values, boundaries and ethics! Does this relationship embrace these? Would you do this to another person? Is how you are treated, a reflection of how you treat others?

Ok…. yes…. this sounds harsh. I understand your pain! Many other people also feel what you are going through. Alas this is far too common…..

Now you need to make a decision. Does this relationship align with you? Can you swap places with this person and see yourself doing the same thing? Is this a person who exonerates your ideas of a relationship?

What you do from here, is revealed in the answers to these questions. Remember….. Don’t look back…. that is not the direction you are travelling.

I hope this a help to you.

Best

Evan

Hi Spen,

Well written – and yes you are not seeking another framework to believe in. This journey is not based in the mind, but the heart. I would suggest Eckhart Tolle – Power of Now as a great start. I am sure you will receive many replies, so I will keep mine brief.

Best

Evan

Hi Inis,

My instinct here is he is playing with you. I am sorry if this hurts…….

If it is friends, then so be it – but do not cross the line into flirting, creating ‘alone time’ or allowing you to believe more exists.

If it is more to him – then he would not ignore you. After so many dates or get togethers, it is common courtesy to say hello or acknowledge you. That non-acknowledgement – unless previously agreed – reveals he is not true to his feelings, and to be done in a public arena…. makes no sense.

I would question the company of the person he was with, as he was willing to offend you, and disrespect you, for the person in his vicinity….

You deserve better already…….

Best

Evan

Hi Anoniem,

Welcome aboard 🙂

For me there is so much to say on this topic that books are indeed already filled with ideas and opinions….. So I will skip most details and share my understanding.

Most religions and belief systems all point to the same thing. Something the brain/mind can not understand because thought is itself a form, and the messages all point to a formless.

The religions/beliefs all have a framework around them, which enables a certain language to be shared, so the messages can be transfered without having to reinvent the communication level – over time, distance, cultures, etc….

Regardless in what belief or religion you follow, the purpose of these frameworks is to enable you to realise who you are. Follow your heart, as that is the path to a greater understanding of yourself, and discovery within that all religions, belief, philosophies, traditional stories etc point to anyway.

There are a thousand paths that lead to the same door. The most important part of this, is that you are walking on one of them.

From Aikido – seemingly unrelated, you can feel the truth within the words….

Morihei Ueshiba – The Art Of Peace

The art of peace begins with you. Work on yourself and your appointed task in the art of peace. Everyone has a spirit that can be refined, a body that can be trained in some manner, a suitable path to follow. You are here for no other purpose than to realize your inner divinity and manifest your inner enlightenment, foster peace in your own life, and then apply the art to all that you encounter.

Best

Evan

Hey Mnml,

As heart wrenching as what this is at the moment, know that you are not defined by what happens to you, but how you react.

I am self taught, and had for many years thought to myself I need certifications. It’s a recognised standard of understanding, and people will respect my talents, and knowledge and I can pick and choose you job. Funny thing is, as I go along, I see highly qualified people making complicated solutions that do not work efficiently, and need more IT skills and knowledge to maintain it.

I also see people refusing to to work ‘outside’ their training, even down to a basic level. Outright rejection to help and refine their skillsets.

Ask yourself why you started IT! You are a fantastic problem solver, enjoy a challenge, love to help people and experience/share the joy of a solution, intelligent inside and outside the proverbial box. Kind hearted, giving, compassionate toward others, enjoy helping wherever possible etc……

You are amazing! Believe it, know it!

So some tech talk now. Your Anxiety App V2.3 is in overdrive filling up your HDD with corrupt data. There is no space left in the Swap partition to process new data, so your CPU is limited to reprocessing what is already stored within.

We need to terminate the ‘process’ of the Anxiety App before it upgrades to V2.4.which also triggers the Guilt App V9.7

Time to open up your Self-Love App and upgrade it. Reinstall your Compassion-for-oneself App V15.1 and Download the “Space’ and ‘Breathing’ add-on for Inner-Peace App V.0000004

When you give yourself some space to ‘not-think’ for a bit, 5 breaths between emails, 1 breath before picking up the phone, 10 breaths walking up the office stairs (or relevant office distance), you will have a moment of clarity to start from.

It may take a while to know this internally, as your thoughts have such momentum at the moment, but trust me, it is there.

Your inner peace is there waiting 🙂

Your heart is patiently awaiting to be heard again.

Grab a cuppa, read this and breathe.

I love and accept myself right here, right now!

Best

Evan