I often get criticized about that unfortunately and as I know myself better than anyone else I am either extremely protectful for myself in a way that after such event in my life (this is not the only kid of strange relationship I have been mistreated) I seem to think that for everything bad that happened in my life I am the reason and therefore I should never be attached or close to anyone, I tend to isolate and then when i recover on my own I get my overly protective side and this is the time I use my power to isolate myself from even a small chances to communicate and be close to certain people and people themselves. My sister is always saing that I am really protective, don’t share and scare people away from me which is makes me sad. But when I try to share i got the feeling that nobody wants to listen or help.

And the way I am really protective( but go home and cry after I push people away with that trait of mine) makes the one that am I protecting myself from hit even harder and harder. This is what happened in my previous relationships and I spend time overthing and crying on my own, praying that I will never let things go this way maybe that is why I am this way now and play like the lamb role in the story letting people do whatever they want.

He knows due to my money issue and my try to get some of the finance I gave so that I could get an adequate treatment for me and when it came time to that I foolishly though that i get the money back for the special need I was in and told him like a fool that I need them for that and not for fear that I won’t get them back. And yes, I though that somehow this will stop him and repell him so that he won’t make me such offers, but I was wrong.

I will try to talk to her when I am ready for that, yet I still want to get out of the triangle between him, his girlfriend and me. That;s mostly why I am here and why I am looking for a piece of advice. Not to mention that she ( who doesn’t even know me and never met me) has told nasty things about me. I bear not hate for her though as she is being lied to as I was. And if she get any chance to see the messages he sent me before and after being with her she will see his true colors rather than thinking that I am the one that messes their things up.

I will consider this and try to help myself by staying positive. As far as not talking to him and not paying enough attention to him I already act like I don’t hear and see him so that he could stop, yet that strategy is not working the way I want to. But let’s see how he will act after the holidays and I pray he let me go.

• This reply was modified 7 years, 12 months ago by None.

To H8full8:

I have got my eye on that friends my friend is talking about and I see that somehow he/she is right, yet how do i get to know my friend’s friends that are being talked bad about. I always , always try to get in the shoes of the others while rarely do they try to do this for me. Maybe that is my mistake or maybe it is not. Not everything is an exact science like anita said. If ti was I would not have been there for help now. If in the science there is formula for finding the leghth of a certain path that somebody is going to take in life there is no such things. For sure, we make our own decisions which paths we will follow, yet nobody can know where it will take them and how much time,efforts they will need and thhey don’t know the leght of those paths that are taking. That is why my evaluations about my friends can be completely wrong or absolutely right, yet I cannot know for sure.

I forgot to end the situation- everything that has been between me and my friend ends when I don’t call and write to him/her cuz he/she has given me the order not to when he/she is with that friends I can’t stand. So I got to obey and finally that friend of mine is durious and now won’t even wanna talk with me, listen or see me when I call or write. So I got the orders and I followed them strictly and now I am guilty again and I don’t even know why cuz my friend will never probably share what has happened and will lie and deceive me anytime possible. So shall I try to talk when my friend doesn\t want to or shall I walk out of his/her life and go on…?!?

To H8full8:

I am strong to talk about the dilemma only when I share it with strangers otherwise I will never have that coversation with my family or friends cuz either they are chnaging the topic when I got the courage to lead that converstation or they just are not listening to me and when I get insistent they start a fight or leave the room.

Thanks for the article it was useful and goes hand in hand with Daniel Coleman’s book “Emotional intelligence” that I am reading right now. I hope it helps me and I follow the things I learnt from bothe the article and the book in life without destroying everything that i got- believe me I am really good at that and I am a person with little luck.

To anita:

I tried doing the evaluating stuff but human behaviour and relationships are not like science they change and sometimes you don’t know where did it come from. A person can act like the sweetest living creature in the begining and the greatest villain in the end. That is why I am trapped here- I cannot trust people’s intentions cuz there is no way I get to know them for real and I end up wanting to spend time with someone and because I don’t trust the “outside” peopel I turn to my family which is ignorant to my pain… It’s really complicated :X

To H8full8:

I am not pretty sure to whom you are sending the message- to me or to the guy above.

To VJ:

Yes, I am at the point of asking a lot of questions but that does not mean I don’t have numerous answers(most of them controversial-which is not helping me at all) in my head. I searched through the resource you send above and I found some usefull stuff and others’ experiences which makes me look to my problem as a minor one compared to others’. But I know that when it comes to having a awful things happening in your life it seems that they can prolong so much that the person experiencing it will start to think that it will last forever and to make things worse they will remind the good times that happened before and then it really gets tough.

I get that no one cannot achieve any progress if you sit there and murmur about the bad in life and they should be getting down to working out their problems. Maybe I just need a stronger push in my life so that I can start doing that… maybe te things that happen to me are for a reson and every time I think of that I get scared of myself and ask myself “am I really that bad person so that bad things happen to me”.

I understand and appreciate my time here and having this conversation with you as I don’t share a lot of things in my life because of the fear that people will think I am either crazy or making things up just for some time to get “famous”(and I don’t undesrand what kind of person will think that others want the attention of their close ones and friends by doing this). That is why I am here and I prefer to stay anonymous and share things with people I have never known so that I can hear their clear point of view and start looking things through clear glassess let’s say(I know it sound strange). What is more, I found this site googling for ways to stay positive and positive thinking therapy and I will get stuck on every single chance to make my problems not problems anymore, yet now I just feel like I am standing at the bottom of a trap and can’t see the light out there.

To anita again”:

I start to believe that if I got the background in which I was treated this way and I tolerated it I will keep my mouth shut and bite my tongue if others are doing the same to me because as you said your parents are the ones you look up to. I got that feeling that I am in a vicious cycle of people mistreating me and I will never get out of it because whenever someone makes something nice for me I feel strange and I think they are setting things up just for their favour later- which happened with that boy I have already wrtitten for and don’t know how to treat him anymore cuz I will feel bad if I make him understand what a piece of crap he made me feel and if I do him good he will continue making fun of me in the worst way ever and only use me as I let him do that.

So that is where I am- giving my back to my background concrete wall that I can hardly destroy and in front of the same wall of my future as a naive fool whose voice I can’t just stop raising in me.