We share similar experiences with negative/toxic family. In my experience, it lasted through my entire life until my forties when I decided enough was enough. Their negativity had shaped my behavior, thought processes and relationships entirely. In my forties after another long drawn out temper tantrum from my dad against my mom, I decided enough was enough. I did not physically take a stand against them and proclaim “enough is enough.” No. Internally, I decided that I needed to figure out who I was under all this toxicity. I realized that I was a part of it. I was curious about who it made me become. Sadly, after I inventoried my life, I saw that I had lived an anxiety filled life driven by anxiety and fear. In my quest to gain knowledge about my situation and myself, I started meditating and joined a Buddhist temple. I did not become totally involved with the Buddhist community, I would only go to the temple to meditate. I have social anxiety so it hard for me to join a group. Anyway, I went to the library and read lots of books on psychiatric behavior, self help and discovery and buddhism books. This was over a course of 2 years or so.

The most important thing I learned was that in that toxic environment where the Alpha male runs rampant such as my father, he was violating my personal boundaries. I never even thought of personal boundaries like that. Actually, I learned that I did not even understand what a personal boundary was; therefore, I didn’t have very good internal boundaries at all. Once I learned about internal boundaries and how people can violate them and how I can violate others my world seemed easier. Even when my dad was acting out at someone else in front of me, which was still violating my boundaries, I learned some coping skills and a few healthy defense mechanisms to protect my boundaries. My boundaries are healthier and I work to keep them healthy and this has pulled me out of the toxic environment by helping me making decisions to protect myself but still be compassionate. It is learned over time. I hope this helps. Good luck on your journey.

• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Yvonne E..
• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Yvonne E..
• This reply was modified 10 years, 7 months ago by Yvonne E..