I feel your confusion, Julie. I’m new here myself and can relate to all those swirling thoughts that send your emotions in all directions. I doubt that S. really hates you – rather it’s a reflection of where he’s at and not necessarily a true reflection of your work.
I too am having (different) challenges here at work. What I found helped me was that I wrote down some people’s names on a piece of paper, along with what I wish for them (prayers, if you will). Then I did some for me (2 pages actually). This helped me release some resentment and fears and gave me a small taste of release from spinning thoughts.
Be gentle with yourself, and don’t give all your power to others, because it’s yours 🙂