Jayson, thank you for your input. I feel maintenance is necessary in a marriage. That’s why they say marriage takes work. But it’s hard to work on a relationship when it feels like I’m the only one doing the work. I initiate the conversations. I’m the one who wants to talk. I’m the one who wants us to be closer. I’ve asked if he would like to try a cooking club so we could make better meals and cook healthy. I asked if he would be interested in taking a dance lesson. He answered no to both. I’ve learned that if I want to do something I just have to go ahead and do it and he will either join me or he won’t. I agree that a divorce would be extremely painful and I’m not certain that’s what I want.

Hi Regina, In regards to the romance, yes I have tried, however, I have come to accept that he is just not that way. He doesn’t have it in him. So now I need to choose whether or not I can live without that. We have gone to counseling and he said he would go again, but he’s told me many times that he doesn’t believe in it. When I think of starting a conversation with him or suggest counseling, I’m filled with dread. I appreciate the comment you made about the article you read. It sounds interesting and I would agree. The times when I feel sad or angry about our relationship, I withdraw and it feels like I am leading a separate life from him, but not to the extent you described.

Hurley inspired me and I decided to focus on learning to love myself and making myself happy. I just have this fear that as I continue to grow, that I might outgrow him.

Thanks Azul, I appreciate your response!

Mctmdream: Thank you! It does help knowing that I’m not alone. I used to feel like I was asking too much, but not anymore. If you are hopeless dreamer, than so am I!

Anne: I have heard of that book, thanks for the reminder. I will take a look at it.

Hurley: Thank you so much for sharing your story. I appreciate hearing it from a mans perspective. I’m very sorry that you are going through such pain. My husband is like you too in the sense that he is a hard worker, a care taker, attractive and funny. And that is exactly what we are doing, going through the motions. I used to think there was something wrong with me because I didn’t appreciate having a great husband. Unfortunately there is still a void. For me, all it would take is something simple, like a kind word now and then and my heart would soar. I’ve learned that I need to speak my truth and say it with love. I know that I am not responsible for how he chooses to feel about it. I have been open and honest about what I need. I’ve asked if he is happy, or is there something I could do better to improve our relationship and he says no, there’s nothing. It would mean so much if we could converse on a deeper level, however, he gets defensive. Things might change for a little while, but it always goes back to being the same.

I really commend you for looking inward and acknowledging why you became distant were unhappy and for being able to find that silver lining. That’s great work that your are doing. I have thought about a separation, but I don’t know if he would go for it. During one of our conversations, he said he would rather we end it on good terms before we ended up hating each other. He had a pretty bad divorce once, so I understand where that is coming from. Unfortunately I’m to the point where I think we would be better as friends. I have a feeling we would treat each other better than we do now.

Marriage is hard work as we know. I certainly wish you the best and hope it turns out the way you want. Take care!