What Erik has written pretty well sums it up and I don’t think I could explain it any better. I can relate on a very personal level. I had a “melt-down” only a couple of hours ago (I have since written an email to apologise) and sometimes it is so difficult to snap yourself back to where you feel you “should” be or at least really wish to be. When that happens I use the following as an affirmation…..”there is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.” Now this sounds simple and it is….NOT but it is worth the effort.

We are all on the journey; we fall and get up again, time after time. Often it feels like we are having to do it alone and that is largely true, each of us must walk the path but we do not have to walk it alone. Luckily we have each other to turn to. Anonymous yet connected. What a blessing.

Blessings and peace
Elisabeth

I agree with Lindsay when he says it’s about authenticity and an aspect of being authentic is about setting boundaries. The bible quote “cast not your pearls before the swine”, really means don’t throw away your resources, do not waste them. Resources of course can be anything from money to time to energy. What I have seen is that this inability to set boundaries is really a negative self worth issue which can look like generosity of spirit (because you are always helping someone) but is really about feeling the need to be liked, a people pleaser so you go beyond your boundaries and it undermines your feeling of self worth. My husband was one, the price he paid was a severe burn-out. He is learning to set boundaries, the limits of what he is able to do, so now when he helps, he is genuinely there for the person. What I am saying is, IT IS OK TO NOT ALWAYS SAY YES. When you set boundaries you create a new freedom for yourself, the freedom to choose how and when you will help. That feels authentic to me.

And finally it is about choice, the one you make about how to be in your life, how you allow others to impact on your life, your beliefs, faith or theology and about the value you place on yourself. I believe that you are a divine child of God and that we are all One. When you hurt YOU, you hurt me. Stop that! Kidding. I sincerely hope that you can work through this. I know that my husband had to do a lot of soul searching and he is still on the journey. It becomes a filter through which you shape and colour your reality but it is truly an illusion. Remember: “as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”. So make a good choice about what you think of yourself and live that instead. Blessings, Elisabeth

Realise and accept that it is not your job to “fix” him, realise also that you can’t. Your number one responsibility to to fix yourself. What are the lessons that have presented themselves here and what can you learn from them? The greatest sadness in life is when we are presented with growth opportunities and we fail to learn the lessons. I can speak about this because I am going through a similar process, not with infidelity and not with my partner but with a family member who makes choices that I totally do not understand, such as staying with a self-pitying, violent drunk. What I have learnt is to honour her choices no matter how illogical I believe they are and that I have NO say in her choices. It is her life and her journey and that is also the case with your (ex)boyfriend. You came together with all the baggage that people have. In that baggage there are issues to deal with. See if you can sort out what your issues are. This is really about you and not him. Do you love him or do you love the man you thought he was, you hoped he was?

These situations can be so very painful and they can undermine your feeling of being in control and self-worth. I love what Howard wrote about, “do you feel loved, honoured, respected”, I think you feel none of these. ANYONE who makes you feel less about yourself is NOT the one for you. His issues are his, he has to fix him. I wish you strength to meet your issues and to get past this. You will if you let go of the fairy-tale “love of my life” thought. You are obviously not the love of his life. DON’T EVER SETTLE FOR SECOND BEST – EVER. You are worth so much more.