Hello Julie, I hope since you’ve posted this you are feeling better. I hope you know it’s okay to be afraid, and that you are worthy as you are, every panicky, sorrowful part of you. I read some interesting points regarding life that have recently helped me through anxiety. It went something like this…we own nothing. Not our appearance to others, not our relationships, our positions, nor our things. All things are impermanent. We suffer because we try to control, like grappling with the wind and constantly wondering why we haven’t caught it yet. You cannot possess security, not in anything you have. Not in your body which can fail you at any moment, not in how others will see you. So when we’re caught off guard and things fall apart around us we freak out, we want things to be a certain way. But the anguish you feel is good, it’s freeing you from your false sense of security, freeing you from irrational attachment to impermanence. So how can we find peace when nothing is certain in our lives? By knowing we can still love. I more I reflect on it the more I realize that’s the point behind everything. Loving the fleeting gift of life around you that you’re lucky to see, the people who choose everyday to love you, and experiencing the unique wonder that is you, that will free you. That will bring you peace. It will not happen over night, but keep trying to cultivate that love inside you and you will feel better. It’s alright Julie, I love you and I hope my view has helped you some.
-Kat

Katie, do not beat yourself up over the incident with your dog and boyfriend. Perhaps you were careless but what’s done is done. You make mistakes, not because you are flawed but because you react in a way you understand, and our understanding is always limited. We are creatures of habit and how we treat and assess others, be it carelessly or not, we learned at some point in our life where that response worked. Once a response or habit is ingrained it’s hard to break and we all face different hurtles in the path to breaking it. I’m telling you this because I got the impression that you beat yourself up a lot but you shouldn’t, it wastes your energy on a pattern of thinking that doesn’t even make sense. Be compassionate to yourself.

It sounds like you’re between a rock and a hard place, your boyfriend and your dog. If you look at yourself objectively and ask yourself can I really put in the time and energy to heal my dog and feel you can’t, it’s time for a change. Find your dog a home that will heal him. If you are sure you can, than do your very best to heal him. Go all the way. Use the knowledge of the trainers and all you’ve learned. If you think your boyfriend is wrong in his handling of him, which it sounds like he might be if force is his main response, tell him respectfully. Ultimately this dog is your responsibility, not his, and you have to do what you think is best. Yes he was bitten by the dog and that can make him resentful, but what’s done is done, all that can be done now is be kind and understanding towards each other. Don’t bring your dog around your boyfriend if all it does is incite negativity, but work on that dog if you’re going to keep him! A violent dog is a very serious matter, know what you’re getting into.

As far as your boyfriend goes don’t let him berate you over past mistakes anytime your dog is discussed, because in truth that does neither of you any good. Resentment never made any couple closer! At the same time make amends to him for your dog’s behavior by being compassionate and maybe doing kind gestures. The biggest advice I think I can give you is know when a situation has become too much for you. All you can do is your best. If your limit is met with that dog give him up, if your best apologies is not enough for your boyfriend than walk away or change the situation if he’s willing. Know when it’s not your fight anymore because you did your part.

I loved reading these, a lot of insight from so many different experiences. 🙂 I have recently broken up with my best friend and reflecting a lot on what I consider love to be, so maybe my thoughts will be illuminating or your responses to them will be more so. Love to me is like a fire that you and your partner tend. The fuel is respect, which is the heavier logs that keep it steadily burning. Respect is made up of mutual trust and honesty, all the big things that make you want to invest in a long term commitment. Tenderness is the kindling, which gets it up again when it is burning low. Tenderness is made up of affection, humor, fun, all the little things that bring you joy. Neither of you alone can keep the fire going, each of you need to rest and vigilance is required lest the embers go out. Couples can use up all their fuel and have a hot fire burn out or either can not give enough and watch it slowly die. Seems to me a good relationship is all about balance. Give and take should be about equal and both parties should equally want the relationship to succeed.

Oh Paul, you sound like a sweet heart. I know it must hurt terribly, but you should not be with this woman. She may mean well, but she is not trying to meet your needs. If you tell someone you love them and they reply with “I know you do.” it’s a safe bet they are not invested in you. She may love you and want you around but that is probably to fill holes within herself she can only fix herself. There is a woman out there who is whole, will meet your needs, she will tell you she loves you everyday, she will make you feel beautiful, wanted, and secure. You will happily listen to and respect each others’ needs because you know each other are good for reciprocation. Let this woman down kindly and pursue things you’ve always wanted to, really live your life Paul, no one will live it for you. You will be no good for her anyways when you are unhappy.

Matt said your “crazy” simply means “I’m passionate but also scared.” True words! It’ll be alright Mellilot. Keep your chin up and keep swimming and the sea will eventually calm. The only madness is quitting your pursuit of happiness. All the shaky moments are just learning phases which like suffering help you learn to help others, the best possible form of happiness! Those are my thoughts anyways. I hope things have improved for you since you’ve posted this.