hello everyone,
I’ve read the topic and I was like, ” oh,just a timing on what I feels”..
so i decided to write my own miseries on this thread.
All my life I preferred to be alone because I want to be alone but as the saying goes no man is an island, I have to deal with people around me.So I tried to change myself as I’m growing old and now that I’d grown older, I realize that I don’t like what I’m doing, because no matter how I reach out on people, I still feel alone…I feel so alone its killing me. plus they only added burdens to my life. yeah, I’m dealing with so many negative thoughts and emotions. I don’t know where to start or how to start to make myself better, I’m tired of trying and fighting for what I wanted to be, and still I’m here, i feel I’m a nobody. Many times I’d asked myself whats the use of living if I can’t live the way I want? The truth is I’m weak, vulnerable. I just want someone to listen and understand. Someone to believe in me.. I tried my best to reach out on other, that’s why I got married at a young age, thinking that someone , at last, will be there for me. but as the time goes by, I realized I shoudn’t have tried to change myself, maybe I’m living a much better life now… realized that, nobody will really can understand you but you and yourself only.. I also have a low self-esteem that’s why I tend to lean on other’s support. what will happen if that someone you thought that can help you, can’t? Many times i feel so emotionally drained, I’m always struggling to reach my dream, i want a self-improvement but every time I fight its like I’m fighting alone and really hard.. I am so complicated, I want to be alone but the truth is I need someone to be there for me. Did anyone knows this feeling too?

Hannah,
I’m not good in making advice but I know / understand what you are going through.
Sometimes we want to change ourselves for the better but we are just lacking of motivation. that’s why everytime we want to start we feel bored about it.
Have you had any dream of what you wanna be someday? Or have you think of what will make you feel fulfilled/ satisfied?
Maybe meditation would help? I dunno honestly i don’t know how a proper meditation is. But I think anyone here like Matt could help you.
Every time I get downed by my bad habits, I try to analyze myself and plan about my future. But based on my experience, Laziness is the worst habit that’s hard to break. Why? Because with just thinking that you wanna break it ,you already feel lazy to do it. bcoz its ‘laziness’.
Hope you can relate to what I’m saying. 🙂 I’m not a native English speaker but i hope I gave my idea to your understanding. If you had find out how to break those bad habits please let me know too. 🙂 i’ll be grateful.
wanna share this quote to you : “always seek room for self-improvement”. I always keep reminding myself with this. 🙂
Yours,
MJ