Hi Kath,

I have to say that your post was definitely encouraging and pinpointed what my problem was. First of all, I want to thank you for supporting my decision. It definitely was a difficult one, but in the end, I think I made the right decision. Yes, I do have strong feelings with my friend who I used to love so much, but it’s not worth the relationship I already have. I do think it’s impossible to be friends with someone who wants more.. my friend and I have stopped talking and I think it’s for the best. I am very happy that I was able to resolve the past with him, and I feel so much more at peace with myself now, unlike before where I felt guilty.

Secondly, you are exactly right in that I need to figure out what I really want. As much as I love other people and want them to be happy, I deserve to be happy too. I always had a problem figuring out what I liked or wanted. I was kind of a “go with the flow” kind of person and didn’t mind others making the decision since it’ll make them happy, therefore making me happy. But if those other people weren’t there, what decisions would I make? I’m sad and scared to say that I haven’t thought about it, but I am starting to now. Now that I’m thinking about it, my bf and I differ in our values, and there is a chance that we may not be able to work out since I realized that I cannot compromise my values. My bf and I are discussing about these things now to figure out what we both really want. It scares me that our relationship has been really chill lately until now…but I think this talk is necessary so that we both figure out what we need and how to work with our needs. I am very serious about my bf and I love him very much.

Thank you all for your kindness and support. <3

Hi Ashley, thank you for your thoughts. Yes I did approach B to find closure between us, but I did not expect him to like me. And when he started talking to me like normal again (online), I began to feel how I felt before while I was with him.. and that was a really easygoing and strong connection.

Hi Yue, something that is very important to me in my relationships is being able to know my significant other on a personal level while we are friends first. This is because I have insecurity issues and I cannot get over the fact that I’m putting so much effort into someone I might not get along with. I actually do have really strong friendships (with girls) outside my relationship now, and they are my best support system. This year, now that I have graduated college, I have been trying to keep and strengthen the few good relationships I had. That’s part of the reason why I wanted to approach B, because he used to be a very good friend of mine, and I hoped that he would be willing to be my friend again after we talked. Of course, we would never be the same again, but if we were on good terms, I was happy with that. Also because of B, I always felt regret and I wanted closure. So I approached him, and found myself connecting to him again. I understand what you are trying to say about girls only having male friends, but I don’t think my situation is the case.

Hi Inky, the reason why B hasn’t contacted me over the years is because he didn’t want to break a relationship if it was there; he just liked me, and so he gave me the gift. But since I wasn’t reciprocating his feelings (returning the gift), he realized that he needed to go out and make more friends since I couldn’t be there for him. Now, for C, C and I truly truly love each other. The only issue has been his depression, which he has been trying to get over, and I have been trying to help him with. I always understood that C has been depressed since I first met him.

I met up with my friend B yesterday night for the first time in at least a year. He expressed to me that he sort of gave up wanting to date me since I had a boyfriend. But when I approached him online with how I felt, he realized that him and I used to have such a wonderful relationship, one of the more natural and best relationships he ever had. And if he was to date anyone at that point, it would be me, because he felt that we would get along really well even though we hadn’t talked in a long time. Our interests, values, and humor lined up, and our personalities matched. While I was talking to him last night, I didn’t really feel for him like I thought I would. But, I knew that if I was to continue our daily talks, there was a really really good chance that I would like him again. I decided the best route was to be truthful, so I told him that there were some feelings there, but that I was happy where I am with my current bf. He respected my decision, but told me to consider how close we were before and to think about a relationship with him. I told him not to hope for anything, but that I would think about it. He said that since he gave his thoughts about how he feels towards me, he will not interfere with my relationship. He feels sad that he is stuck in the same position he was 3 years ago, only we are more communicative now. He told me that he might just not talk to me anymore, to avoid liking me so much and feeling stuck hoping for something that may not ever happen. I understand this.

I told my boyfriend what happened that night, and my boyfriend felt really sad. He asked me if I wanted to be more than friends with my friend B. I said no because I really do love my boyfriend and I don’t know if the feelings I have for my friend are feelings of excitement from reuniting with someone I used to really love. I don’t want to act without knowing myself. One thing was for sure: I really cared about my friend, and my friend and I did have a wonderful relationship. Although I didn’t click with my current boyfriend the first time I met him, the more I got to know him, the more I started to like him.

I’m at a loss… this situation is messed up and anything I do will hurt someone, and that’s what I hate the most.