hi @nonamenoname

did something traumatic happen recently? or is this just something you have felt for a while now just because?

I remember feeling exactly as you described one year ago when my then girlfriend and I broke up. It was a complete blind sided breakup and I was in a very depressive state for some time.

If this is the cause of something that recently happened in your life, just know that it does and will get better. you just have to give it time and continue pushing through.

If this is something that is chronic and you have just felt like this for a long time, you may want to think about getting professional help. I did last year and I can honestly say it was very eye opening and extremely worthwhile.

@sia-9 I read this and had to respond because it is insane how much I can relate to this post that you have written. I’m probably not the best at giving advice but I definitely wanted to give my perspective.

So in my situation, I am the guy in your story. Let me give you some background info to set this up. Me and my ex broke up last year, and at the time, she was 23, and I was 27. We were together for 3.5 years and lived together for about 2. The reason for the breakup, that she told me, was that she felt like she needed to be single and to be on her own. She wanted to travel and possibly do peace corps work after she finished college and all that. She definitely didn’t want to do long distance relationship and didn’t want anything to hold her back really in what she wanted to do and what she wanted to experience.

Of course it was definitely the most difficult thing to hear and go through. It took a very long time for me to get to where I’m at today going through all of it, and I still feel it at times.

In the beginning I of course didnt want the breakup to happen, and she was very hesitant about it as well. But it was something she felt she “needed” to do. I couldnt understand it at all at first. If things were going so great like she said, if she loved me so much like she said, if she wanted to get married to me one day like she said, then why would this happen and why would she be doing this? In her eyes she felt like she couldn’t do and experience what she expects to experience with me in the picture, which is how I imagine you must feel.

After thinking about it all over a years time now, I definitely have a much clearer understanding of it all. We all have to take care of ourselves and do what we have to do. It’s our own life, and no one can make it for you. You’re not being selfish for wanting to do what you want to do. You shouldn’t let anyone hold you back from that. Ya, it will and must be hard to breakup and to go through this. And it sucks. It just sucks.

But if you don’t try this and do this, you’re going to look back later and think of all the shoulda woulda couldas from this decision, and what might have come up from you traveling and living single. You said yourself that you don’t really feel the same with him as you did before. I’m not trying to be negative but it’ll probably keep going that way until you two would eventually break up anyways. Sure, things could change and get better, but honestly, what are the chances that you are really meeting “the one” or your “soul mate” at 18 and staying together forever? It’s slim. Not saying impossible, but slim. I’m just being realistic.

Lot of rambling on here and I’m pretty sure I didn’t even say everything I wanted to say, but my main point is you have to take care of yourself and your wants. You’re allowed to be selfish and find what’s right for YOU because you’re the only who can run your life and if you want to do it, then do it. You’re young and dont have the responsibilities of say, a child. This would be the time to do it while you still can. I’m still trying to apply all of this I’m saying and understand it as well, but I know that I wouldnt want to look back and regret the things I didn’t do or try that I wanted to.

And thanks for posting all this as well, it gives me a possible perspective that I wasnt able to get at all from my ex, during all of this during our breakup.

I hope this somewhat helps a little. and I know it’s probably weird for me to encourage you to breakup and do your own thing knowing how it felt since it happened to me. But I definitely understand the necessity of it because I definitely wouldnt have wanted to be with her and having any sort of regrets or resentment towards us or me because she was afraid to let go and leave to do what she really wanted.

Do what you will, and find what you love and desire. Don’t hold back.