Dear Mark,

I have tried therapy multiple times throughout my life. First beginning around 16 and the most recent about 6 months ago. I don’t think that there ‘isn’t a therapist for me’ or anything along those lines, my experience with therapy hasn’t really helped for the long term as much as investing in my own answers.

I did have male role models in my life, but not very consistently. I would spend summers with my paternal side of the family and see my uncles and grandpa then. We moved away from extended family when I was young, and the nearest family member is around 12 hrs away, the rest in Canada or scattered around North America. My mom married when I was 5 to my step-father, but he worked overseas when I was younger, and when we moved away from his home state, he wasn’t very positive about the situation. I realize now that he was just placed in a new place with no home comforts, but he would get frustrated and say some things “I didn’t want you” “Your not my kid” and it resonated. I haven’t forgotten that. He tried his best however, and I do know he loves me very much. Got me into sports and rock music. Taught me how to hunt and enjoy nature. I don’t consciously hold a grudge but it’s just hard to forget some of those things. Especially when you’re young.

Hi Mark,

The issue I have with therapists is that I need to be able to connect with them on a ground level, I feel empathy very deeply and the professionalization of traditional therapy makes it feel disingenuous.

I’m going to school for Music Production and Sound Design. I started Producing Music & DJ’ing about a year ago and I cannot stop thinking about all aspects of it. It’s the first thing that I’ve committed to for myself, and also the first hobby that I didn’t get bored with. The challenges I face when trying to accomplish things here don’t discourage me, they drive me to be better. I know I would be happier doing something that fulfills me in that way, rather than waiting to retire to enjoy life. The old “Time, Money, Energy” adage saying you use up one or the other throughout various stages of your life, always resonated with me. When talking it over with family they all didn’t think it makes any sense (leaving a good paying job), but they are supportive and want me to be happy.

Dear Anita:

I do not have any memory of him.  I’m in my mid 20’s currently.

I’ve struggled with anxiety/depression/insomnia since I was approximately 15. Going to therapy never stuck (I’m stubborn, and can admit it haha) but I prefer finding my own answers to my questions. So when I wonder why were here as humans, and what our purpose as individuals may be, I read. Complete Conversations with God was the first book I read to really delve into my own understanding of reality. Then the Tao Te Ching, and The Alchemist, and then books on cognitive behavior therapy (and practice) have helped me in a big way. I just keep digging and trying to understand myself and what life is.

I questioned my family about my father when I was younger (until approx 12), but it was always felt that it hurt them deeply, so I kinda stopped asking about him. I also realized that knowing about him isn’t what I wanted, I wanted to know him personally.

I’ve kinda notice this manifest within my adult life with how personally I take other men’s (coworkers, family friends) opinions of me. I like who I am as a person, when I stop and think about it, but I can quickly start down a negative train of thought simply because I can’t get some other guy’s admiration/respect. I can make the connections with how this is all happening, but I just cannot think of the right way to manage those feelings.

Sometimes I can understand the situation clearly, and know that there is nothing I can do. Sometimes I can’t get past that incomplete feeling I hold. I don’t want to forget about him or anything like that, I just don’t want to have this as a subconscious anchor, something I let hold me back because I have no control over it. I want to find a healthier place from how I react.

Thank you.