This is my very first post, having just discovered and registered to this site within the last half hour. I came to the site through a link on Psych Central, to which I subscribe for newsletters. It seems possible to me that you are clinicially depressed, and that feelings of low motivation, loss of interest and pleasure in things you previously enjoyed, and the feeling that life is a corridor of locked doors or that the mind is a cloud of chaos could clear up with the appropriate treatment. I wonder if a site for spiritual seekers might not have a bias against psychoactive medications, so I hesitated before answering, But if you haven’t seen a doctor yet I strongly feel you should consider doing so. I have noticed when recovering from depression that one of the first things to return is the zing of pleasure I get from listening to music. Talk therapy, especially cognitive therapy, is also extremely helpful, and is far more targeted to your particular situation than anything you can receive online. This is not to say that the posts from Joseph, Matt or Al are not wise or helpful, every post was very good. Since my experience is with a mood disorder that has responded well to talk therapy and medication, this is where I am coming from.
I turn 51 on Tuesday, it seems like yesterday to me that I was 21. I hold you in tender regard.