Thank you for the replies.

We have cut contact now, I could not handle it and neither could he.

We had been together for 6years, and although we have broken up around 4 times before, it was never because he cheated on me. It was because he could not commit to me. I am in counselling at the moment and together me and my counsellor worked out an unhealthy pattern in my relationship with my ex.

We deduced that there was a triangle, with three points – Victim, Rescuer and Persecutor. Our usual things happens and we break up. I become stronger than him over a few weeks, months – because he is not pulling me down, and although I miss him I start living again and becoming myself.  But as his rescuer, I do start getting anxious after a certain time that he needs me. And then he gets in contact, he’s the victim and I am the rescuer in this situation, and we normally get back together.

But after a few days/weeks he starts to pull away from me, and living his life with me kinda hanging on to him for dear life. Because I’m trying to rescue him but he’s pulling away, so I try harder (this is all Subconscious). And before I know it, he’s the persecutor and I’m the victim. This is why I struggle so much with letting him go, but he has no problems letting me go.

I guess knowing this now is hopefully going to help me get some closure and move on from him. But more importantly, when the cycle starts again to be aware of it and break it.