This is from only my own personal experience dating an alcoholic and it may not be exactly what you are wanting to hear and I apologize if it comes off as harsh. I dated an alcoholic for almost 4 years. He cheated on me, was mean, and said hurtful things to make me feel inferior to him. I never left him because I was all he had and I was honestly scared he would hurt himself if I did. Even after he hurt me so many times, I kept holding on to our good memories. When he was sober he was an angel. He was everything I wanted. But ultimately it took a toll on my self worth and I needed out. Leaving someone who you still love is so so hard. You obviously still care about him and you are a good person. You just have to remind yourself that he is not your responsibility. You have to put yourself first and determine what is best for YOU. It is hard to believe but maybe you leaving him will be the thing he needs to finally push him to get help. That’s really all you could hope for. I know it is scary and it will be tough for you. You can not let people treat you like their punching bag. You deserve better. They have a disease and they need to handle it on their own. You can not save anyone. From what I know, my ex hasn’t changed a bit. However, even though I will always love him, my life is better. I get to worry about myself now. I get to put myself first. It was heartbreaking at first but just like I did, you will heal. You will continue living and life will keep on going. If you have nay other specific questions I’d be happy to give my perspective. Again, I’m sorry you are going through this and I apologize if this wasn’t necessarily what you were looking for. Just thought maybe my story would be helpful. I hope everything works out for you.