Sarah,

Hi my name is Kaili and I can’t say I fully understand what you are going through because I am not you, but I have been through something similar. When I was seven years old I really didn’t understand death my family is a firm believer in the after life so my parents never really had to explain it. When my 21 year old cat had a stroke I thought we would just go to the vet and make him better, sadly that was not the case. My parents kind of knew it was coming so for once in his life ever since my mom had rescued him we took him outside and I just blew it off as thing my parents wanted to do. Later that day at around midnight we went to a 24-hour small vet and had him put down. In a sense I knew what was going on but not really, I didn’t know I would never see my cat after that. every day for months my music teacher would bring up what a coda was for our recorder recital and I would cry because that was his name, Coda. I miss him very much and I still love him with all my heart. In December of 2016 my Grandpa passed away from a brief battle with bone cancer and long term type 2 diabetes neglect. When we lost him it wasn’t sudden it was just well…expected. I miss him too with all my heart. Very recently my dog Layla passed away from acute kidney failure after struggling with it for a year and a half. Every day for a year and a half we gave her sub-Q liquids to help her kidneys. She passed away on June 8, 2017 at the age of 14. I have six other animals to take care of on a daily bases. I still live at home with my parents and have just transferred into middle school this summer. My Dog Layla was and still is very special to me and no dog, no human, and nothing will ever replace her. My other animals are getting up there to, my oldest cat is 30 years old and my youngest is my betta fish named Winter who is 2. One of my dogs is not expected to live past February and he is my absolute world, he is the only one i can hold and kiss and I’ve trained him to go everywhere with me in and out of the house. I feel like complete shit and I just can’t think strait, every time I try and go to my psychiatrist I just act anxious because I also have anxiety but I can never put my depression into words. I feel all alone and unhappy. To make matters worse my mom just got diagnosed with an aneurysm and soon she will have to get it taken care of in surgery. Me and my dad were and still are really close but we have been fighting a lot more I don’t know if it’s teen stuff already but I don’t mean to do it I really don’t mean to hurt him or my mom, but I just can’t help it. I’m sorry if  this turned into a post more about me, but I really do hope it helps other people out in the world especially Sarah and others in need. And if anyone would like to help me y giving me advice go right ahead, but please no rude or hurtful comments. Remember I am only still a kid.

Thanks!

-dogandcatlover1912