Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I got together in august 2023, the past 7 months together have been amazing, I can see this man being in my life for ever, being the father of my children, building a home together and travelling the world together. But the past couple of months – or really this year as a whole – has been really hard for us as a couple, he has upset me quite a few times, and we have had more arguments than usual, which for a while didn’t bother me, I could never hold onto anger for him because of how much I loved him. And then I started to realise I had no interest in sex anymore, I was still sexually attracted to him but when it came down to it I just wasn’t feeling it, which I guess it is normal to just sometimes not be in the mood but this lasted for about two weeks. And then there it was, I was suddenly not sure about him and I anymore, I felt uncomfortable in his presence which I never had felt before, and overall just didn’t feel in love like I used to. This feeling has been the worst guttural type of feeling I have ever felt before. I told him straight away and It just broke his heart. for a couple days I kept going from I want to be with him, I don’t want to be with him, ill be better without him, I will die without him, driving myself insane really. We were supposed to go away together for this easter long weekend but I decided that it felt right that we breakup and take a break for a while, so I went away with my mum. We tried no contact for two days but I messaged him today a link to this website so he maybe could understand how I am feeling.

I really need someone to tell me what to do, I know in my heart that I want him, I can’t see myself with anyone else and he is everything good in this world for me. We chose baby names together!!! I just keep getting angry at myself for feeling like this, I am breaking his heart and breaking my own, Ive lost my appetite since we’ve broken up, and I’ve felt like I am in a constant dream.

Reading Bens response from several years ago has made me feel a bit better and I feel like this is something that I can work through and I can eventually give him the love that he deserves. But I keep getting stuck with bad thoughts, almost intrusive thoughts of everything bad that was happening in our relationship, I feel like my brain is trying to get rid of him and I don’t want it to!!

We have decided to take the next four weeks apart (with occasional messaging) leading up to my birthday. We are both going to the same party the night of my birthday and i’m really hoping that over these four weeks I will realise that I do love him and we will get back together, although my biggest fear is seeing him again and feeling the same uncomfortable, lost feeling that I have been stuck with.

I do believe that I have both avoidant and anxious attachment styles from having an absent father in many ways, I hope that someone will see this and be able to give me some clarity and show me the right pathway, and I really really do hope that I can find my way out of this deep dark hole and be happy with him again.

I really hope the right person finds this, I need advice! please be honest!