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Dia

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  • August 28, 2014 at 4:09 am #64046
    Dia
    Participant

    Hi Gen,

    Thanks so much for your reply. You nailed it : perimenopause is a rollercoaster. Mine is feom hell :-(.

    Thank you for the forum suggestions . I feel lost , like everything seems meaningless. Yesterday I saw a photo of my beloved mum (in it she was healthy ) . I wept the whole night away. A year has passed & I seem to still be in a state of shock & disbelief. Its so tough. Nobody cares. Nobody gets it. People make inane suggestions & expect me to * move on* ( what does that even mean ?) .

    The illnesses i have plus the grief makes me so depressed . I dont wanna get out of bed most mornings.

    August 12, 2014 at 7:14 am #63172
    Dia
    Participant

    Hello The Switch,

    Firstly thank you so much for your reply and kind, supportive words. So much of what you wrote reasonates with me. I always lived in fear of losing my mother & now i’m living in a nightmare. I’m a huge worrywort too. I envy those who are free spirited, carefree.

    Prior to my mom’s passing I’ve never experienced death at such close quarters. Sure I lost my grandparents, an aunt & uncle but in my culture children even teenagers are shielded by family members from the death of the elders.

    My mom suffered tremendously during the last 2 years of her life . I literally saw the life go out of her. Needless to say its highly traumatic.the visuals of her pain , suffering & death are imprinted in my soul. Initial months post her demise i was numb , thereafter grief & depression have hit me like a ton of bricks. I question everything. Everything seems worthless. Ive joined online grief forums, seeing a counsellor but in vain . I feel like ive lost myself . I miss my mother every second of everyday . Its heartbreaking. Add to that insomnia, phobias , anxiety, physical illness. I’m at my wits end here. Sorry for going on & on but your words gave me comfort. Thank you . God bless.

    August 11, 2014 at 12:58 am #63042
    Dia
    Participant

    Hello everyone . New here . How does one start a new topic? I need help badly. I’m sorry to hijack this thread but i’ve nowhere else to turn . I’ve suffered anxiety since I was little. Anxious, stressed, nervous :thats me. Living like this has taken a toll . I’m 40 now& facing the worst period of my life. I lost my dear beloved mom a year ago. She was everything to me. She was very sick for 15 years & I was her caregiver. We were always together 24/7. As long as she was alive there was hope. Life was tough due to the various illnesses she had but my primary mission in life was her well being & happiness. Post her demise the world has ended for me. I’m terribly panicky, scared, nervous, depressed. Have insomnia & was put on anti anxiety medication to help me sleep. I resisted but eventually gave in as I went months without sleeping a week. Past one year since mom has gone i’ve hit rock bottom. Every minute is spent in anxiety & fear. Scared to go out, scared to be alone , scared to do anything . No motivation or interest in anything . I am seeing a counsellor but getting nowhere. My family is concerned & frustrated with me. What does’nt help is that I suffer from a few ailments that feed the anxiety plus the anxiety excaberates the ailments. I dont know what to do to heal myself. I feel exhausted, sad, lonely & anxious. I suspect i have OCD about disease & dying. Watching my belived mom suffer & die has broken my heart & killed my spirit. What makes matters worse is that I suspect i ‘m going through perimenopause but my doctors are dismissive. I just dont know what to do . Im stuck in a persistent fight or flight mode. Somebody help please. I’m fed up. Thank you .

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