Namastay 2003pal,

To take the advice of Thich Naht Hahn you can address your loved one with the following words:

“dear loved one, I know that you are suffering” “I know that I may contribute to your suffering” “I want you to know that I care about your suffering,” and “help me understand your suffering so I can help you.”

These words are indeed very powerful and have helped me through difficult times in my marriage as well. There is a lot of power in caring about the suffering of another as you would care and love about yourself.

Hope this helps.