Dear Asmallhope,

I read you post and felt really compelled to reply to it.

I can fully relate to what you’ve written re having fallen so far. I suffered with an undiagnosed mental illness for 20 years, which has effectively ruined my career, wrecked my marriage and left me very isolated from friends and family. Very recently I did finally get diagnosed with a dissociative disorder and the whole medication / therapy cycle has now kicked in, although the reality is there’s a very long wait for the therapy groups due to them being so oversubscribed and underfunded and the course of medication I’ve been given is very much trial and error due to the complicated nature of the illness.

I have also had thoughts of ending my life, but something deep inside always seems to inch me away from going through with it. I think all we can do in these situations is reach out as much as we possibly can and try and get whatever help and support is on offer. I have always found it really hard to ask for help, but at the beginning of last year I realised that if that didn’t change my life was going to be heading a very bad direction.

I’m an intelligent, educated, 39 yr old man working for minimum wage in a low-skilled factory job, I live with the stigma of mental illness every day, but I desperately want to break out of this vicious cycle and I’m trying to do everything I can to turn things around. I know all our lives are different and I’m not trying to compare my trials and tribulations to yours, but the one thing I would advise is to ask for help wherever you can get it and sometimes the best people to help you are the ones who you don’t have any “history” with.

I’ve been around the teachings of the Buddha pretty much all my life and I think for sure that is one of the things that has kept me going. I often struggle to understand why we have to endure such hardship and it makes me wonder what I did in a previous life to deserve the problems I’ve had in this one, but we can only deal with what is in front of us now and the more we can move away from the pain, sorrow and grief that resides in the past the more possible it is for us to find a lasting happiness. For me this still feels like it’s a long. long way away, but I do have hope (even if it’s just a tiny spark in the core of my being) that things can change for the better.

Be well and I hope 2014 is a better year for you,